Thursday, November 15, 2012

Forcing An Ending.

Sometimes... you have to say "I've had enough".

I'm sick.
I'm just sick.
Sick of the lies, of the games, the smiles, the tears, the sadness, the happiness...
Sick of everything.

All thanks to him.
The one that has ever made me feel like I was loved, who's also the one that makes me feel alone and broke.

The only one I never expected to leave me, left.

Worse. Tricked me. Lied. Broke a promise.

And now? Acts like I'm invisible. Like I don't exist. Like I never did...

You know what?


Stop for a second.
Leave all of your little stupid plays behind for a moment.
And look. Just look at what you're doing.
To you. To her. To them. To me. To us. To everyone and everything.
Just stop!
End the lies. The tricks. The false smiles, words, looks.
Just end it all. End the play.
Cause I'm closing the curtains.

Today's motto: "You have to be strong. And, a lot of times, that means leaving behind who you love."

Today's song: Forgot To Laugh by Bridgit Mendler

Today's pic:

Hearts Hugs and Kisses

Ella <3

Friday, November 2, 2012

An Awkward Desire

Sometimes... you can even surprise yourself!

I think I'm going to say the most strange thing in the world: I want them to stay together.

Yes, them. Not me and him. Them.

They're perfect!
I know it sounds like I'm crazy, I mean, wanting the guy I love to be with other girl? Crazy! But... Whatever! Then I'm crazy. So what?
It's just the truth!

I feel like they just belong to each other. And I can't even believe they ever broke up!
I have no idea of their story or what happened between them. All I know is that they belong together.
I'm sure of it like I've never been sure of anything in my life.

He needs someone that can prove to him that he has much to give (as I know he does), and she's need someone that shows her how amazing and beautiful she is.
They would help each other in ways that they won't even be able to see. Only someone that's on the outside can understand. Because it's something that you don't see when it happens to you. Only when it happens to others.

I still love him. I do. It's not like it's something that just goes away with a pill!
But exactly because I love him that I want him to be happy and to be with someone that can understand him and show him how great he really is.
Even if that someone isn't me.

Plus, I like her! As I've said before, I can see a spark of myself in her.
And she deserves to be happy too.
I don't need to know her very well (but I actually want to!) to know that she's special.
She's the one for him.
I'm pretty sure.

I just wish I could help them!
I mean he has a girlfriend (which, btw, I hate! Not just causes he's his girlfriend but really cause she's kind of stupid! I've never liked her! And I knew her way before they were together!).
And she's hurt and sad and broke!

But I still thing they have a change!
They have to!
They need to.

I just wish I could do something...

Btw, when did become a matchmaker?

Today's motto: "You gotta sacrifice yourself for the ones you love. That's life"

Today's song: Little Thingsby One Direction

Today's pic:

Hearts Hugs and Kisses

Ella <3

Thursday, November 1, 2012

Strange Connections

Sometimes... you do things that make sense to no one but you.

I did something really strange.

I started speaking with his ex-girlfriend.

Yes, the one he left me for.

I know right? Really weird!

To be honest, I'm not really sure why I did it!
But I'm actually glad I did! Which is the weirdest.

She's so special! And different! She reminds me of... myself.

She's a great writer too, actually. She's really amazing. That's why I started talking to her, in the first place. I told her I loved what she writes. Which is true! And she was super sweet to me.
And now, we've been talking for a while!

The thing is... she has no idea of who I am! I talk to her as an anonymous.
And she wants to know who I am. And what connects us (I told her we had a "strange and kind of dark" connection).
And I wanna tell her!

What if she thinks I'm a freak?
What if she thinks I'm trying to get him in trouble? Because that's so not it!
What if she tells him?

But my biggest fear is... What if she hates me?
What if she gets mad at me?

I mean, I'm the girl he tried to conquer after being with her (even if he only tried for like a week, but whatever).
And she's the girl he left me to be with!

Shouldn't I hate her?

But... I don't wanna hate her! I can't hate her! She is too special! She's too... looked like me!!!!
And I don't want her to hate me!

It might seem like the weirdest thing ever but... I want us to be friends!
I feel like we could help each other a lot. About him. And not just that.

It really feels like we're two parts of the same person.

When I read what she writes... It's almost like I can see myself writing the same (although, I don't have as much talent as she does)! Almost like I know and feel the same. And that's really weird!

But, for some odd reason, I like that we have these weird connections (even though having "him" as a connection might not be so good) .

It makes me feel like...

Like I'm not alone anymore.

Today's motto: "A dark connection might just become a really good friendship."

Today's song: I Knew You Were Trouble by Taylor Swift

Today's pic:

Hearts Hugs and Kisses

Ella <3

Sunday, October 28, 2012

Broken Hearted... Again.

Sometimes... you're just stuck.

He has a new girlfriend. Isn't it great??

Being ironic is the best thing I can do right now.

Why, from all the people in the world,did I have to fall in love with a guy that has a new girlfriend every week??

It just hurts so much. And he aid he loves her. Not to me, obviously! He barely talks to me at all!

It's like I did something wrong! I did something wrong? Come on! He broke me 300 times, he lied and cheated! And I did something wrong? And he's the one that's not talking to me?

What's wrong with this world?

The worse thing?

I love him...

Today's motto: "Some people will never stop breaking your heart"

Today's song: We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together, covered by Debby Ryan and Nick Santino

Today's pic:

Hearts Hugs and Kisses

Ella <3

Saturday, September 29, 2012


Sometimes... you just don't know what to do.

Am I the only one that, when she's stuck on a guy, she really is?

Things have changed.
We're speaking again.
But not like before. Nothing is what it use to be anymore.

They broke up.
He and his girlfriend, I mean.

And he finally got the guts to talk to me.

He apologized too.
He knows what he did.
And he's actually sorry.

He wanted it to go back to what it was. Everything. Us.
But I said no.
I say we would be just friends.

He accepted it, obviously. It's not like he could say anything about it.

I thought I was doing the right thing.
It felt right.

But now, that I feel like he might be moving on at any moment... I don't know anymore.

Cause, even if I don't wanna believe it, I love him.

And I don't wanna loose him. Not again.

What should I do?

Today's motto: "Think twice before you decide anything. Once you did, you can't go back."

Today's song: Run To Me - Kurt Schneider and The Royal Sons

Today's pic:

Hearts Hugs and Kisses.

Ella <3

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Don't EVER trust a guy

Sometimes... there are people that can't stop surprising us. And not in a good way.

Remember the guy I talked t you about, not on my last post, but on the one before?

Yes, that one.

Well we haven't talked for almost 3 moths!
And guess what my BFF Cris told me today? He has  new girlfriend!! How great!! How sweet!! How nice!! Right??

Liked my sarcasm?

If I cried? Oh yes! That devil's sun was still able to make the tears come. But you know what? I don't care. I don't care if he has a new girlfriend that he's going to leave in 2 days or that he's going to marry in 20 years!
It does not affect me.

But wanna know what does? The fact that I thought (stupid me!) That he was actually my friend! That he actually cared for me!
Well, apparently, I was wrong (as always! when do I learn??).

He was not even able to tell me! After everything he did to me, he did not even have the guts to tell me something! I had to hear it from a friend!

What a lack of courage.
He wasn't even able to stand up for his actions!

And you know what it does to me? Do you know what he's lack of courage makes me feel like?

For me, he's nothing but disgusting!

At the end of the day... you know what? I can't believe this was the guy I gave my heart to!
Glad I woke up soon enough!

Today's motto: "Better alone than in bad company"

Today's song:

For such a special day I choose two songs. To give power to all us girls out there ;)

Today's pic:

I also have two pictures today. I think both make sense :)

P.S. Remeber: If he doesn't fight for you, he doesn't deserve you ;)

Hearts Hugs and Kisses.

Ella <3

Thursday, August 16, 2012

Where are the gentlemen nowadays?

Sometimes... you witnessing things that make you angry!

Today I witnessed something that really made me want to start a riot!

I went to my school (even though I'm still on vacations) because I had to pick up some random and boring paper, that I don't even know what's for!
After that, I went to pick up the bus.

While I was waiting, I noticed two men that were on other bus (the driver and some other that I have no idea of what was doing there).

After a while, I listened to the train warning (because my bus station is next to a train station) and, 2 minutes latter, this woman passed by, running on her heels (which were wedges - and really cute actually! - but pretty high), apparently trying to catch the train that was arriving at the station that moment.

She she left my sight for two seconds and, right after, I heard a a strange noise and an attempt of a scream, muffled by the previous sound.
I looked and there was exactly what I expected to see: the lady, on the ground, trying to get all the things that fell from her purse and with one foot shoeless.

I, as a polite person, immediately got up and ran up to her to see if she was ok and needed help.
The lady seemed so scared, misguided and sad, as no human face should look like. Mostly not one who belongs to such a nice, fragile and polite lady. It broke my heart.

I helped her up and got her shoe. She was a little mad that she lost the train but she was physically fine and (I think) happy and touched that someone actually cared and helped her (which I'm pretty proud of myself for, I have to admit).

She thanked me and went away, living me with a smile and the sensation of job done!

That was, until I got back to where I was before and looked inside the bus where the men were. They were just laughing at the all situation and did not even have the wisdom of trying to hide how amused they were. And I'm not even going to go into the fact that they (as two adult men) didn't even try to help the woman!

All of this made me think!
So I have a warning.
Girls and ladys out there: remember! There are no gentlemen in this world anymore!

And guys (not even going to try to talk for the men because it's not worth it!): Please try to become the gentlemen of tomorrow! Forget about that stupid idea that a "masculine man" is a soulless animal! Girls like it when you hold the door for them or help them if they fall or need something. Not when you slam the door in their face or laugh at them when they're in trouble! And I would know!! I mean, I'm a girl!!
Please, try not the be like these men I just talked about ,that didn't even have the sweetness of trying to help a lady.
Because, if you became like them, you'll be nothing but a person who makes fun of everything and everyone just to try to fill this empty space in your chest (where your heart and soul should be), with no success!!

Today's motto: "Treat the others like you wish to be treated"

Today's song: Hello Cold World - Paramore

Today's pic:

Oh! And, before I go, I just wanted to day I'm sorry for not writing for a while. These months have been crazy and rough. Thanks for understanding :)

Hearts Hugs and Kisses.

Ella <3

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

A Dark Twist.

Sometimes... life gives you the world just to have the pleasure of ripping it out of your hands.

Have you ever felt like you had the all world smilling to you and, 10 seconds later, everything went dark?

I was so happy.
My grades weren't the best, but they were good. Great, really. Not the best I can do, but still great.

I started the beauty/fashion videos on youtube. And my What Makes You Beautiful cover passed 100 views.

I finally got over the guy I've been in love with for 3 years.

And, even better, I had a guy that seemed to like me like I liked him. Sorry, loved. Oh, I'm sorry again, love.

My love life was finally... existenting. At least, I thought so.
He made me smile. Laugh. Feel happy. Safe.
He actually made me belive that it could work.

But things change.Things always change.I just wished it hadn't changed so soon.

I'm really not made for it. All this love, romance, couples thing. I'm not made for it. I'm not made to be loved like that. By anyone. No one deserves the horror that is loving me.

It's actually a good thing. The fact that he doesn't like me. It's good. For him. Why? Beacouse I'm not made for it. For being loved. If he really loved me, he would be the one losing. He would be the one who was unhappy. And I couldn't live with that. I love him too much to make him go through that. I just want him to be happy. Even if that means staying away from me.

I wish, with all my strenght, that he would just talk to me. Solve it all. Make everything go back to what it was.
I wish we could just talk. Work things out. Be happy again.

But I won't say anything. I won't text. Becouse, if I did that, I would be putting pressure into him. And I can't do that.
He's the one who has to see what he really feels. If he loves, or ever loved me, he will say something.

Till then, I'll just wait. Becouse there's nothing else I can do. And that breaks me.

If I still have hope? Of course! There's nothing I can do about that.
If I want him here? Next to me? Even after all of this? Yes! More then anything! It would make us stronger!
If I wish this all thing, meeting him, never happened? No. Never. Becouse I love him. And I was happy..

But it hurts. It really does.

I don't blame him. Not at all. Although I did.
I blamed him for leaving me. For making me cry. I was so mad! I felt like making him feel the same way I felt. And feel. Empty. Sad. Unhappy.
But all that madness didn't last for long. For two reasons: becouse I'm not a bad person, so I don't think like that; and becouse I love him. And I don't hurt the people I love.

Just today, I've been  through so many states! I've been sad, empty, mad, crazy, hopeless... and others I can not even express with words!

But, at the end of the day, I'm really just heart broken.
It's like someone just grabed my "almost healthy" heart and crushed it, turning it into pieces.

And all it would take to heal my heart, would be a a simple "I'm sorry. I love you. Let's work this out."

But that is just not going to happen. Becouse it would be too good to be true. And I learned that those things don't exist.

I realy just wish we could go back to that Thursday, when everything was simply... perfect.

Today's motto: "If you love something (or someone), set it free. If it comes back, and it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was"

Today's song: You - The Pretty Reckless

Today's pic:

Hearts Hugs and Kisses.

Ella <3

Monday, June 4, 2012

Long Time, No Posts!

Sometimes... life just gets busy!

A lot has happened since I made a post!

I had lots of things to do, so I really didn't have time to write anything... sorry about that!

But now that school is almost over, I'll have more time for sure :)

Well, lately my life has been pretty full! Between school (since it is almost ending, there's a lot of work to do), drama club (we had 3 presentations in the last 2 weeks - we did "Chicago", by the way!) and the hip hop crew (we had two presentations in the las 2 weeks), I have been super busy and with no time for anything else!

I've even been out of youtube ( and my fashion and beauty blog (!!!!

But this blog was definitely the one I left behind the most!

The reson to that is that nothing really has happened (emotionally talking) that I needed or thought I should talk about!

Things have been pretty much the same on that department! But I guess, since I was busy, I didn't really had much time even to think about it!! Which is good.

It keeps me from getting depressed!!

Plus, I've been on a very positive mood! Which is actually my natural state!
I usually say to my friends: "If you smile and keep it positive, even in the darkest moments, things will get better".

So, I decided to go back to being the positive me I really am!!

Over all, it has been good couple of months!

Being on stage (dancing, acting...) makes me happy! And, since I had a lot of that these passed 2 weeks, I've been feeling pretty happy :D

I guess life can be pretty good when you're in the right mood, don't you think?? ;)

Today's motto: "Keep Smiling!"

 (btw check Kimmi Smiles on youtube - - if you wanna watch the happyest girl ever!! She ALWAYS makes me smile!!)

Today's song: Somebody That I Used To Know - Covered by Kait Weston, David Michael Frank and Ricky Ficarelli

Today's pic:

Hearts Hugs and Kisses,

Ella <3

Monday, April 16, 2012

A Smile of Life.

Sometimes... life starts shyly smiling to you!

Life is getting better!

He talked to me :-D I actually really wanted to write some things that have been happening with him lately (last Thursday) but I'm afraid someone I know can see it and understand! But, for a little summary, let's just say I was VERY close to him ;-)

Anyway, that's not the main reason why I feel like life is starting to smile at me (which makes me very impressed with myself)!
I'm loving doing covers on youtube! It's great to get home and being able to record and post my video on youtube and get all the amazing feedback!

Untill now, the people have been very receptive to my videos and super sweet on their comments!
It's been a great experience and I'm very happy about it!

Plus, me and my friend Cris are going to start working on something... but I'm not going to give anything away about it yet ;-) Keeping the mystery!!

To sum it all up, these days have been pretty good! I'm hoping that this amout of good luck it's here to stay!!

Today's motto: "After every storm, a bright sun appears"

Today's song: My cover of Smile by Nat King Cole

Today's pic:

Hearts Hugs and Kisses,

Ella <3

Saturday, April 7, 2012

First cover.

Sometimes... you got to do things in the moment or you'll never be brave enough to do it again.

As you probably already understood if you read my last post, I've been very exited about starting to cover songs on youtube.

But I was also very unsafe becouse I feel like I just might make a fool of myself!

I had lots of secong thoughts but I had to do it today, becouse I know I probably would not be brave to o it any other day (like that time when I decided I was going to finally pierce the ears, then didn't to it right away and... my ears are still unpierced!!).

So... I decided that I had to do it! So... I just uploaded my first cover ever!!

It's Tell Me That You Love Me, from Victorious (singed by Victoria Justice and  Leon Thomas III).

I wanted to ask you to wach it and tell me what you think, becouse it would mean the world to me!

And also, I wanted to thank all my friends and family members for supporting me and helping me walk this step forward!

Today's motto: "Do it now, couse you might not have the guts to do it tomorow"

Today's song: My cover of Tell Me That You Love Me

Today's pic:

Hearts Hugs and Kisses

Ella <3

Friday, April 6, 2012

New plans.

Simetimes... all you need is new projects.

I've been all my Easter break thinking about starting a youtube channel with some covers.

Now that the band's over, I feel like I need new projects to try to succeed in the music world.

But I'm still a little insecure about my voice. I'm afraid that people won't like me or my voice!

The good thing is that I have amazing friends and family members that support me and are willing to help me.
Like one of my best friends in the world, Cris, who plays guitar and who I'm going to start writting songs with (which I'm very happy about).
My other BFF, Marisa, who's a GREAT singer and also plays guitar, is going to also help me.
And my aunt, who's in the "filming business", says she can help doing some fun "music videos" (I was thinking Dave Days and Kimmie Smiles style, you know! I love them so much, they're so talented! They inspire me everyday!), which I'm super exited about!!
Summarizing, I'm really exited and hiper about this new "project" (if I can call it that... I hope I can!) and I'm praying for it to go well.

I still am very unsafe my voice and singing skills, but I've got people who I trust that tell me I'm good, so I'm gonna give it a try. Just hoping I don't make a fool of myslef!

Today's motto: "Take a change and risk it, or you'll never know if it would have been a sucess!"

Today's song: Make It Shine by Victoria Justice (

Today's pic:

Hearts Hugs and Kisses

Ella <3

Saturday, March 31, 2012

Artists And Award Shows.

Sometimes... it takes a room full of stars to make you smile.

Just watched the KCA's (Kids Choise Awards).

It was such a fun show! Full of stars, cheers, fashion, glamour, fun and... SLIME :-D (haha)

I loved every second of it!
My favourite parts were: One Direction's preformance, Victourious' win, Selena's win, Justin Bieber getting slimed, everything about Will Smith (haha), Zac Efron and Keke Palmer presenting an award, Katy Perry... and much more! To resume, I love it ALL!

I love these awards shows! I think it's beautiful the way they recognize the talent of all the amazing artists and I love the performances they do on them (they always put their heart and soul into those performances).

It's funny how sometimes we can go completly crazy just becouse our favourite actress won a award or our favourite group just performed at an award show! But I think this is all very natural becouse it's our way to show that we love our idols so much!

I give much importance to these shows becouse they show us that there are so many talented people that make us laugh, smile and even cry everyday and we should all be thankful for them giving us the opurtunitty of feeling those various emotions through their talent (whether they're actors, singer, dancers... it doesn't matter).

All that matters is that we show these people we admire how much they inspire us and how much we really love them.

Today's motto: "A simple song, movie or dance routine can make you smile. So don't forget to thank for the talent those people have to share with you."

Today's song: Dancing In the Moon Light by Alyson Stoner (

Today's pic:

Hearts Hugs and Kisses

Ella <3

Friday, March 30, 2012

Thank the Love.

Sometimes... you just have to be thankful for what you have. (You must always be thankful for what you have)

Today I saw the movie Uptown Girls, with Dakota Fanning.
I loved it! It's a beautiful movie!
But it touched me deeper then I thought it would.

It talks, mainly, about two girls (an adult - 22 years old I think - and a child - that looks more like she's 22 then the adult one, but that does not matter right now).
They have way more in common that they think they do. Fists of all, they're both afraid. Afraid of life, of growing up, of being sad... and more.
But also, they don't have parents. Well, the adult one lost both. The little girl still had her mom, but it's almost like she didn't, becouse she was more concerned about her job then her own daughter!

Well, my main point is: I argue a lot with my mom (mostly this days) and my relationship with my dad was never (and it still isn't) perfect. But, even though sometimes our parents might seem very mean and horrible to us, they love us more then anything in the world and we are all very lucky to have them.
I can't imagine a world were I don't have my mom's kisses and my dad's hugs to calm me everytime I need (even thought I can't have both at the same time, since my parents aren't togheter anymore. But that's not bad at all! Like that I can also add in the "parents category" my stepfather, couse he's like a second dad to me anyway!).

At the end of the day, I know I'm very like to have the three of them (as well as my all family), couse I love them very much and I know they love me too.

That's all that matters, after all. Love.

Today's motto: "Always thank and love what you have, couse you never now when you might lose it."

Today's song: Need A Little Love by Miley CyrusFt. Sheryl Crow (

Today's pic:

Hearts Hugs and Kisses

Ella <3

Wednesday, March 28, 2012


Sometimes... you have to force yourself to get distracted.

This first days have been filled up with nothingness.

There are not many things to do here at my dad's house.
I already did the biggest part of my "vacational homeworks" (those that don't last more then 10 minutes to be done) so there's not much to do anymore.

I'm just very glad I got two new "obsessions". Ok, three, but one is inside the'll see!
The first is The Secret Circle (this amazing series about magic and witches and stuff like that - which I love).
The second is Wellington (this rocking new band that's now touring in the Digitour - tour for youtube singers and bands).
And last, but definitely not least, Ricky Ficarelli (Wellington's amazing and super cute drummer - which I have a HUGE celeb crush on!).

Obsessing or crushing over this thigs/people has helped me not doing the same over... someone else.

But I can't still spend a entire hour without him crossing my mind every once in a while.
Although I am getting better at not thinking so much about him, since I stop having to see him everyday!
But I still can't help to check his twitter everyday, just to know if he's fine.
That's all I want. All I need. For him to be ok.

Other things that have been keeping me distracted are books. I love to read and in the last few days I've been doing it like crazy!
I've already read an entire book and almost finished othet! Besidesm I brought two more and I intend to read both before my Easter break is over!

With my three latest "obsessions" and all the books, I've been abe to make this vacations seem a litlle... amusing.

But the annoying nothingness still hasn't decided to leave my soul...

Today's motto: "Being distracted does exactly that: distract. But it doesn't heal or change anything..."

Today's song: Dynamite by Taio Criz - Ricky Ficarelli's Drum Cover (

Today's pic: Today I wanna have 3 pics here (one for each of my "obsessions" :-D)

BTW check my beauty and fashion blog ( and follow me on twitter (@Ella9999).

Hearts Hugs and Kisses

Ella <3

Friday, March 23, 2012

Last day.

Sometimes... I just want to see your smile.

Today was the last day of school before my Easter holidays (arownd 2 weeks long).

I had classes in the morning but stayed in school almost all day long, for various reasons: to stay with one of my besties for a couple more hours, to go home with my BFF and to see him, obviously.

It's kind of hard to admit it, but I feel like here I can say anything and be always totally honest.

It's funny how everytime I say goodbye to him (in spirit, of course, couse I don't talk to him) he seems to surprise me and appear right in front of me a little while latter.

I was able to see him many times today, which makes me stupidly happy. Although I would've been way happyer if he would just smile back.

But it's already good that I got to see him anyways.

I just wish I could do more then that...

Today's motto: "The things you want always happen when you least expect"

Today's song: Say Ok by Vanessa Hudgens (

Today's pic:

Hearts Hugs and Kisses

Ella <3

Thursday, March 22, 2012

A big twist.

Sometimes... life gest surprising.

Today was one of the best days I had in a long time.

I had the last "concert" with the band I'm (or was I guess) in.
The drummer is leaving the city so we are ending the band.

But we ended big! We did this preformance on a inter schools project (or something like that) where we played all day! It was AMAZING!! I never thought I would ever give one autograph... but I gave sooooo many I lost count now!! The kids were so sweet and nice!

But I don't feel all important or anything, don't think that! I'm just very happy I got to have a stage to sing and preform in and to have so  much fun as I did.

It's not something everyone gets to do and I'm very thankful I got to do it.

Besides, I know I still have a lot to work on my voice (no doubt about that!) but it still felt very good to be so loved by people I don't even know! Even if it was just for a couple of hours (becouse they've all already forgotten about me for sure by now!), it felt amazing! Like I could do anything! Like all of those doubts and fears I have were just... gone!

That's how I feel everytime I'm on stage, and that's how I want to feel everyday for the rest of my life!

I just hope my dream comes true one day...

Today's motto: "Life always surprises you when you least expect it"

Today's song: Becouse this day was so special to me I'll have two songs- Spotlight by Shealeigh ( and One More Time by Wellington (

Today's pic: Again, like today was such a special day for me, I'll post more then one (all taken from stage):

Hearts Hugs and Kisses

Ella <3

Wednesday, March 21, 2012


Sometimes... life stays on hold.

It's funny (although I don't really feel like laughing) how sometimes life seems to stop in time.
It's like nothing really happened since two days ago.
My life is empty, like time has just stoped.

Nothing gets better or worst.
It's all just still. Everything just stayed on hold.

I didn't know that admitting you're in love would feel like this.
A big, fat nothing.

Besides, I hate not having control on my life.
I hate that I do things based on him, not on me.
Like passing in front of his house and not being strong enough to avoid looking at his window.

I hate that HE is the one controling my life now.

And the funny thing (that again doesn't give me any will to laugh) is that he doesn't even know it (or care).

Today's motto: "There can be no deep disappointment where there is not deep love" (but what do we do if we already have a deep love?)

Today's song: Wish You Were Here by Avril Lavigne (

Today's pic:

 Hearts Hugs and Kisses

Ella <3

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Not much to say...

Sometimes... things just don't change.

Just another day in my empty life.

Today's motto: "After the storm comes the calm" (at least I hope it does...)

Today's song: Transatlanticism by Deth Cab For Cutie (

Today's pic:

 Hearts Hugs and Kisses

Ella <3

Monday, March 19, 2012


Sometimes... life just can't get any worse.

Having bad days is seriously starting to become a habit of mine. But, usually, they're not has bad had this one.

Just found out that the guy (yes, that one that desn't get out of my head) smokes: one of those things I swore to myself that the guy I would like would never do.

I also found out I have the worst dance moves, voice and acting skills ever (which might be a little problem to someone who wants to be a dancer, singer and actress).

Puls, I feel like there's nothing in the world that can make me smile and make the pain go away right now.

I'm completely lost. It's like someone just erased all my life and left just a big, dark hole in it's place.

Nothing and no one can erase this feeling of emptyness that's settled in the place where my heart used to be.

Nothing and no one can bring me back to life in this moment.

Today's motto: Sory but a motto need motivation. Mine is dead.

Today's song: What Can I Say by Shealeigh (

Today's pic:

Hearts Hugs and Kisses

Ella <3

Sunday, March 18, 2012


Sometimes...simple things can make your day turn upside down.

That's why I'll always love cinema as much as I do!
A simple movie can make me smlile on the cloudyest day.

Like yesterday, for example!
After a day full of nothingness, I watched Radio Rebel at night on my computer.
Instantaneous smile!

Probably becouse the movie is all about standing up for yourself, having a voice, expressing who you are... and all of those things I wish I could do but each day they seem to get more impossible .

Plus I'm a huge fan of Debby Ryan. She's such an amazing person and she's a very hard working girl. Like one day I aim to be!
She is one of those people that inspire me every single day.

Becouse of that movie, today my day didn't felt so... empty!

I wish I could get every shy girl (but that inside has something more) the opportunity to watch the movie and, even better, to feel has amazing as the main  does in the end, when it all ends well (like in every "feel good about yourself" movie).

If there only was a happy ending to all of us...

Toda's motto: "Movies are doors that take you to beautiful worlds. Open them and feel their magic."

Today's song: We got the beat by Debby Ryan (

Today's pic:

Hearts Hugs and Kisses

Ella <3

Saturday, March 17, 2012

A waste of time.

Sometimes... time flys when you're doing nothing.

Ever had those days when it just seems like nothing really happened?

Today was ones of those days!

At my dad's, mostly alone and working on my literature portfolio. And thinking of him, of course. But that never changes...

At least I got to rest... I guess. But lately I feel like I'm always tired, even when I sleep 10 hours. I don't mean physically, but psychologically. It's like my head is always havy, almost like it's going to fall out of my body.

I hate having this boring days, when all I do just seems... useless! When I feel useless.
Although, thinking of it, I don't really remeber the last time I was or felt useful.
Perhaps I really am useless!
But... that's not really up to me to decide... is it?

Today's motto: “Boredom is the feeling that everything is a waste of time; serenity, that nothing is.”

Today's song: Misguided Ghosts by Paramore (

Today's pic:

Hearts Hugs and Kisses

Ella <3


Friday, March 16, 2012

Love hurts...

Sometimes... love feels like hell.

It's one of those things I'll never understand.
Evereyone looks for it, everyone wants it. Some people find it, some people use it (like it's some toy), some people just don't find it at all and some people, like myself, find it when they never wanted to.

It's one of those indecipherable mysteries!
I just can't figure it out!

If it hurts so much, why do people want it so bad?

For the last three years I've been crushing (ok, way more then crushing) over this guy (who BTW is so NOT even my tipe!) that doesn't even know I exist.
We talked a couple of times but he always seems to forget my existence right when our "two-second-long" conversations end up!

I don't talk to him for arownd two months now.
He doesn't even look at me.

My friends try to convince me that he notices me, that he's interested. But I know it's not true.
Can you blame him?
I'm just a strange, wierd, ugly and uninteresting girl!
I know my friends don't wanna hurt me, I'm not mad at them for lying to me. They just want me to be happy! But sometimes I wish they would just tell me what I don't wanna hear, to see if I would fall into reality. But deep inside, I know it wouldn't change anything. I just wanna belive it would.

At night, when I'm trying to sleep, I can't help it to think of him.
To imagine how it would be to have him next to me.
To hug him.
To kiss him.
To have him love me.

Then, I shake my head (like that would make the thoughts go away!) and try to sleep, with no success, obviously.

I guess there are some things that, even if I try as hard as I can, I just can't change.
I just wish the pain would go away...

Today's motto: "Fixing a broken heart it's not a synonymous of putting bandages on it"

Today's song: Same Mistakes from One Direction (

Today's pic:

Hearts Hugs and Kisses.

Ella <3

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Hello there!

Sometimes... a girl has to do what a girl has to do!

I've been wanting to start a "thoughts blog" for a while now but I never seemed to end up doing it. But lately I've been feeling the need to express myself somehow but I just could'n find that "how"! Until today, when talking to a couple of my BFF's and the blog topic came up.

I have other blog but it is a fashion and beauty blog (BTW I'll link it in the end if you wanna check it out) but nothing looked like this. My friends also have their "thoughts blog" and they told it was a good therapy and that I should try it out.

So, has I'm the kind of girl that one puts something on her head she doesn't rest till she gets it, I got home after my singing lesson, dinnered and sat down on my laptop to write my first blog entry.

The funny thing is that the name of the blog came to my head when I was still in school, on the bathroom actually! IDK, I guess inspiration comes uo to you in the strangest moments!
So I came up with the title that you  see in the bigining of this page! And I also decided I want to start every post wit "sometimes...". IDK why, but I just thought it would be cute (yes, I'm wierd like that!).

So...that was my blog introdutcion :-)

Today's motto: "Don't leave for tomorow what you can do today"

Today's song: Something to dance for + TTYLXOX from Zendaya and Bella Thorne (

Today's pic:

Hearts Hugs and Kisses.

Ella <3

P.S my other accounts and blogs:

Twitter - @Ella9999 (!/Ella9999)
Fashion and beauty blog -
Tumblr -
Formspring - Ella9999 (