Sunday, December 15, 2013

Being Back.

Sometimes... you just need time to think and remake yourself.

Things were complicated.

A lot happened.

I had to stop for a while.

Summer was bittersweet.

I had some of the best moments of my life in that camp I was so afraid of going to (check my last post), which proved my point: the things you fear the most are the ones you probably should do!

But I also had the worst moment of my life: my grandmother passed away.
I'm not ready to go there yet. I will be, one day. Just not today.

After so much happening, I needed a spiritual retreat. Or maybe just a retreat.

I  left a big part of my life on hold. My blogs, YouTube, some other stuff I don't feel like talking about now...

It was hard. Leaving it all.
Even knowing it wasn't for good.
It was still hard.

But I knew it was going to be a good thing, in a long run.

And it was.

But now, it's over!


I'm finally back!!! Shiny and bright as new and exited for what's to come! There's a lot I still have to get used to but I don't need to be away from the world to do that anymore!

And I am so happy about it!

I can't wait to start writing again!

I've missed it...

I just couldn't force myself to do it. I was too numb.

But I'm finally here and I'm not planning to leave anytime soon!!

So be ready!!

And get on this new ride with me! Let's see where it takes us...

Today's motto: "There are going to be times in your life you are going to have to stop, take a breath, and just think. But those moments ephemeral. They are just transitory states that will take you from your past to your future"

Today's song:

Today's pic:

Hearts Hugs and Kisses

Ella <3

Wednesday, July 3, 2013


Sometimes... you have to walk right into what you fear.

For many year my life has been ruled by fear. It's something I can't control.
There are tons of things I never did just because I was afraid. And most of them were things I really wanted to do. Most of them were things I'm hoping to do in my future.

I'm very shy. Not "I'm quiet at first" shy. "I totally freeze when I'm in a place with other people" shy!
And it has been taking over my life.

Acting workshops, singing and dance classes, camps... all things I never got myself into because I was to afraid that my shyness would speak louder and stop me from doing whatever I had or wanted to do.

I've been fighting this fear for years, since I remember being a person really, and I've been losing.

Not. Any. More!

I've made a decision. From now on I will try my best to get myself into situations that are out of my comfort zone. I'm going to try my best to overcome my issues with being shy and win this war!

Starting this summer.

I'll be going to a performative arts camp. I've never been so scared in my life. I can't stop thinking about it. And it's starts in like a month!
But I'm so afraid.

But I promised myself I wouldn't back down. I'm going to do this!
The worst thing that can happen is spending the most awful week of my life, hate it, and then... it's over!
But, at least this one time, I won't regret something I didn't do!
In the worse scenario, I'll regret something I did! And believe me, for me, it's already a huge win!

I'm sure, no matter what happens, that I'll be happy in the end.

Because I faced my fear.

Today's motto: "You've got to risk it to get the biscuit!"

Today's song:

Today's pic:

Hearts Hugs and Kisses

Ella <3

Friday, April 12, 2013


Sometimes... you have to question everything you've always believed in.

My entire life, I've worked very hard.

To do good in school, to try not to disappoint my family and friends, to be always honest, nice, sweet...

I've always tried my best, mostly in school.

I've worked myself to exhaustion many times. But this year, it got serious.

As in crying compulsively in the middle of a test serious!

I have always been told you are supposed to have the best grades so you'll get into a nice collage and have a perfect life.

But we all know that's not how it works.

You can get into a nice collage, but that doesn't, in any way, mean you'll have a life even close to perfect.

Personally, I think a perfect life would be too easy and boring.

But I do want a good life. I want to do what I love, what makes me happy. I want friends that love me for who I am. I want my family to be proud of me.

So... to get that, I need amazing grades right now? Is that it?

Because that's what they make us believe... That's what I've always believed, even without noticing it!

Why would I try so hard if I didn't?

I want to best the best I can be, yes.

But the key word here is can!

Can I work myself to exhaustion? Can I be stressed all the time because of school? Can I go crazy and have a breakdown because of a grade? Really? Can I?

I don't think so!

I want to do it right. I want to be the best I can be. For myself. And the ones I love.

But I don't want this!

I don't want to be acting like a little baby that doesn't want to go to school the next day!
I don't want to be exhausted everyday.
I don't want to be stressed and freaked out because I have a test in a couple of days and I feel like I'm not going to get a 20 out of 20!

I really do not want this!

It looks like I'm trying to get into a medicine course or something!
I'm not!

I don't even know what course I'm trying to get into!!

Is it performing arts? Cinema? Fashion? Literature? I DON'T KNOW!

Then why am I freaking out all the time? Why?

Wanna know why? Because that's what I've been taught to do.

Since you get into school, you're encouraged try to be the best (not the best you can be, just the best, as in better than everyone else), to have the maximum quotation in a test even if that makes you loose three or four days of your live, to memorize every single page of a huge book for a day and forget it the next...


Why do they make us believe this is going to make us happy?

And why do you take it!? Why don't we question it??

Well... I'm questioning it now!

But I still don't know anything...

Today's motto: "Have the life you want, not the one other people want for you"

Today's song:

Today's pic:

Hearts Hugs and Kisses

Ella <3

Saturday, January 19, 2013


Sometimes... you realize.

Life is about choices. So I chose.

I chose to like who likes me.
To listen to who hears me.
To worry about who worries about me.
To love who loves me.
To help those who help me.

I chose to like myself.
To focus on what I like.
To strive for what I love.
To work to satisfy myself.

I chose to live the way I want and like, according to my ideals and values​​, without worrying about opinions and judgments of those who have nothing on which to judge.

I chose to walk straight ahead, just giving myself the luxury of looking back when to admire my past, my mistakes, my victories and everything else that made me who I am now.

I chose to fight to get out of the cage and fly freely, leaving the door open to be able to go back and rest from time to time.

I chose to drop all that weights pulling me down, one at a time, and so, lighten up in order to fly higher.

I chose to choose.

And I chose to be happy

Today's motto: "You have the life you choose"

Today's song:

Today's pic:

Hearts Hugs and Kisses

Ella <3

Saturday, January 5, 2013

I Found The Light.

Sometimes... you find your way and climb out of the black hole.

For the past months, I've been lost. Totally empty. I was always sad, upset, crying, hurting.

It felt like nothing made sense. Like things were all wrong. Like nothing could help me coming back from the darkness.

I had lost myself.

The things I love meant nothing. They felt so away. Like they had run away from me. Like everything else had.
I wasn't doing anything because I like it. All I did was because I had to do it. Nothing felt good or amusing. Things were just boring and meaningless. Even though I loved them. I knew I did! I just didn't remember...

Everyone was gone. There was nobody there to catch me. To tell everything would be alright. To make me feel like I wasn't a total failure and that I could get out of the dark and come back to the light.
My best friend left me for someone that hurts and destroys her.
My other friends have their lives.
And I won't even mention him. Why would I? It's not like it matters at all.

All I did was survive.

But, after going through being lost, I finally found myself.
How, you ask? In everything I love. In singing, acting writing, making YouTube videos, dancing, reading ... just Living.
And in the people. My friends, my family, random people that inspire me (Kimmi Smiles was - is - a big one). They are the ones that matter. They are the ones who love me and care about me and that I love and care about. They are the important ones.
And all of this woke me up.

It made me see it. All of it.
All the beauty, the happiness, the love that surrounds me.
I woke up and said "You know what? I should be happy. I deserve to be happy! I AM HAPPY!".

And, let's be honest, I have a roof, a family, food, clothes, everything I need and some extras.
Yes, I've been hurt. Yes, I've been disappointed. Yes, I've been broken. Yes, I've been lost.
But that's fine! That's all fine.
Wanna know why?
Because that means one thing:


Today's motto: “You've gotta dance like there's nobody watching, love like you'll never be hurt, sing like there's nobody listening, and live like it's heaven on earth.”

Today's song: Catch My Breath - cover by Against The Current and Alex Goot

Today's pic:

Hearts Hugs and Kisses

Ella <3