Tuesday, May 19, 2015

Is a Dream really worth this much pain?

Sometimes... Things go as you planned. 

I got in.

I applied for a collage in the UK. For a Performance course.
And got in.

I should be happy, right?

Then, why do I feel miserable?
Why don't I want this?
Why can't I just be normal and be happy about this like anyone else would?

I don't want to go.
I don't want to leave my family, my home. They're my Life. Without them, I'm nothing. I'm just a shell, no soul.
I'll be alone. And hurt.
I'll be in hell.
I'll be dead inside.

And why?
Because of some Dream that might never come true?
Because of some stupid Dream? A Dream that I don't even know if is my Dream??
How could it be? I barely know anything about it!

How can I say I want to do movies, when I never have?
How can I say I want to make music, when I can't compose? Or even play an instrument at all?
How can I say I want to act, when I'm pretty sure my skills aren't even good enough to be called acting? Sure they're great for a school drama club, but this isn't school. This is Life.
How can I say I want to sing? I can say I love it. But how can I dare to think that, with all the fantastically talented people out there, who are 300x better then me, I actually have a chance?

I'll put myself trough hell. And the ones around me.
And for what?
A Dream?

Is a Dream worth all of this?

Today's Song:

I'm sorry but I don't have a motto or a picture today, I wrote this right when I got the news because I needed to get it all out.

Let's all hope this will go away, ok?
Let's all hope I'll be ok, and that things will go well, ok?
Please, hope with me.

I don't know what else to do.