Thursday, November 15, 2012

Forcing An Ending.

Sometimes... you have to say "I've had enough".

I'm sick.
I'm just sick.
Sick of the lies, of the games, the smiles, the tears, the sadness, the happiness...
Sick of everything.

All thanks to him.
The one that has ever made me feel like I was loved, who's also the one that makes me feel alone and broke.

The only one I never expected to leave me, left.

Worse. Tricked me. Lied. Broke a promise.

And now? Acts like I'm invisible. Like I don't exist. Like I never did...

You know what?


Stop for a second.
Leave all of your little stupid plays behind for a moment.
And look. Just look at what you're doing.
To you. To her. To them. To me. To us. To everyone and everything.
Just stop!
End the lies. The tricks. The false smiles, words, looks.
Just end it all. End the play.
Cause I'm closing the curtains.

Today's motto: "You have to be strong. And, a lot of times, that means leaving behind who you love."

Today's song: Forgot To Laugh by Bridgit Mendler

Today's pic:

Hearts Hugs and Kisses

Ella <3

Friday, November 2, 2012

An Awkward Desire

Sometimes... you can even surprise yourself!

I think I'm going to say the most strange thing in the world: I want them to stay together.

Yes, them. Not me and him. Them.

They're perfect!
I know it sounds like I'm crazy, I mean, wanting the guy I love to be with other girl? Crazy! But... Whatever! Then I'm crazy. So what?
It's just the truth!

I feel like they just belong to each other. And I can't even believe they ever broke up!
I have no idea of their story or what happened between them. All I know is that they belong together.
I'm sure of it like I've never been sure of anything in my life.

He needs someone that can prove to him that he has much to give (as I know he does), and she's need someone that shows her how amazing and beautiful she is.
They would help each other in ways that they won't even be able to see. Only someone that's on the outside can understand. Because it's something that you don't see when it happens to you. Only when it happens to others.

I still love him. I do. It's not like it's something that just goes away with a pill!
But exactly because I love him that I want him to be happy and to be with someone that can understand him and show him how great he really is.
Even if that someone isn't me.

Plus, I like her! As I've said before, I can see a spark of myself in her.
And she deserves to be happy too.
I don't need to know her very well (but I actually want to!) to know that she's special.
She's the one for him.
I'm pretty sure.

I just wish I could help them!
I mean he has a girlfriend (which, btw, I hate! Not just causes he's his girlfriend but really cause she's kind of stupid! I've never liked her! And I knew her way before they were together!).
And she's hurt and sad and broke!

But I still thing they have a change!
They have to!
They need to.

I just wish I could do something...

Btw, when did become a matchmaker?

Today's motto: "You gotta sacrifice yourself for the ones you love. That's life"

Today's song: Little Thingsby One Direction

Today's pic:

Hearts Hugs and Kisses

Ella <3

Thursday, November 1, 2012

Strange Connections

Sometimes... you do things that make sense to no one but you.

I did something really strange.

I started speaking with his ex-girlfriend.

Yes, the one he left me for.

I know right? Really weird!

To be honest, I'm not really sure why I did it!
But I'm actually glad I did! Which is the weirdest.

She's so special! And different! She reminds me of... myself.

She's a great writer too, actually. She's really amazing. That's why I started talking to her, in the first place. I told her I loved what she writes. Which is true! And she was super sweet to me.
And now, we've been talking for a while!

The thing is... she has no idea of who I am! I talk to her as an anonymous.
And she wants to know who I am. And what connects us (I told her we had a "strange and kind of dark" connection).
And I wanna tell her!

What if she thinks I'm a freak?
What if she thinks I'm trying to get him in trouble? Because that's so not it!
What if she tells him?

But my biggest fear is... What if she hates me?
What if she gets mad at me?

I mean, I'm the girl he tried to conquer after being with her (even if he only tried for like a week, but whatever).
And she's the girl he left me to be with!

Shouldn't I hate her?

But... I don't wanna hate her! I can't hate her! She is too special! She's too... looked like me!!!!
And I don't want her to hate me!

It might seem like the weirdest thing ever but... I want us to be friends!
I feel like we could help each other a lot. About him. And not just that.

It really feels like we're two parts of the same person.

When I read what she writes... It's almost like I can see myself writing the same (although, I don't have as much talent as she does)! Almost like I know and feel the same. And that's really weird!

But, for some odd reason, I like that we have these weird connections (even though having "him" as a connection might not be so good) .

It makes me feel like...

Like I'm not alone anymore.

Today's motto: "A dark connection might just become a really good friendship."

Today's song: I Knew You Were Trouble by Taylor Swift

Today's pic:

Hearts Hugs and Kisses

Ella <3