tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-58986995101254955042024-02-07T21:34:35.795-08:00Sometimes... In a Life Of a Teenage GirlAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09698536679331273635noreply@blogger.comBlogger40125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5898699510125495504.post-62015543435227222002015-05-19T06:58:00.000-07:002015-05-19T06:58:07.694-07:00Is a Dream really worth this much pain?<br />
<b><i>Sometimes... Things go as you planned. </i></b><br />
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<br />
I got in.<br />
<br />
I applied for a collage in the UK. For a Performance course.<br />
And got in.<br />
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I should be happy, right?<br />
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Then, why do I feel miserable?<br />
Why don't I want this?<br />
Why can't I just be normal and be happy about this like anyone else would?<br />
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I don't want to go.<br />
I don't want to leave my family, my home. They're my Life. Without them, I'm nothing. I'm just a shell, no soul.<br />
I'll be alone. And hurt.<br />
I'll be in hell.<br />
I'll be dead inside.<br />
<br />
<br />
And why?<br />
Because of some Dream that might never come true?<br />
Because of some stupid Dream? A Dream that I don't even know if is my Dream??<br />
How could it be? I barely know anything about it!<br />
<br />
How can I say I want to do movies, when I never have?<br />
How can I say I want to make music, when I can't compose? Or even play an instrument at all?<br />
How can I say I want to act, when I'm pretty sure my skills aren't even good enough to be called acting? Sure they're great for a school drama club, but this isn't school. This is Life.<br />
How can I say I want to sing? I can say I love it. But how can I dare to think that, with all the fantastically talented people out there, who are 300x better then me, I actually have a chance?<br />
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I'll put myself trough hell. And the ones around me.<br />
And for what?<br />
A Dream?<br />
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Is a Dream worth all of this?<br />
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<u><span style="font-size: large;">Today's Song:</span></u><br />
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I'm sorry but I don't have a motto or a picture today, I wrote this right when I got the news because I needed to get it all out.<br />
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Let's all hope this will go away, ok?<br />
Let's all hope I'll be ok, and that things will go well, ok?<br />
Please, hope with me.<br />
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I don't know what else to do.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09698536679331273635noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5898699510125495504.post-3102925093581628382015-02-12T08:54:00.000-08:002015-02-12T14:37:06.791-08:00Refreshed<br />
<i><b>Sometimes... You just need a reminder!</b></i><br />
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It's has been a pretty hard time for me. So many things to deal with, having to crack my soul open (I know, that sounds weird, one day I'll get into details but it's too soon to talk about it now), decisions, big messes, work that most people don't consider work but that means a lot to me (I'm talking about blogs and YouTube and such... I make no money out of it and I don't have many people reading what I write or watching my videos, but for some reason these things make me happy and I wanna keep up with them - even though pretty much everyone else tells me they're pointless and that I should just stop. Which I won't!), plans that never come true, travelling plans which I have no money for and have no idea of how to get some, no job...<br />
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EVERYTHING is a mess!! But... I feel refreshed today!!<br />
Why?? Because I just watched one of my favorite movies for the 10th time this week: The Clique.<br />
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And you know what?? Massie Block (even though she can be pretty mean) is the bomb.com and there is somethings she gets right: you gotta stand up for yourself, life as yourself and make a place for yourself!<br />
And also, you gotta live day by day, do and say what you feel right now, tomorrow is a new day and even though you should plan some stuff ahead (like the outfit you'll wear the next day, per example...), you should never stress too much about tomorrow because, tbh, you can't control it!!<br />
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So yeah, I'm still freaking out because I'm not sure how I'm gonna go to the UK and to Paris in the same month with no money, yeah I still don't have a freaking way to make money, I still don't know what to do to settle some crazy confusions that just came up with people I really like, I still feel like crap because I think that by moving away I'll leave my dad alone, I still don't know if I'll be able to live away from home and survive, I still don't make money out of the things I love to do and people still tell me to stop doing them...<br />
<br />
But you know what? Every time an opportunity presents itself so I can solve one (or more) of these issues, I'll take it. And I'll do my best to get these chances and use them the best I can.<br />
But until then... I'll also do my best no to stress about them.<br />
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Because each day is a day, and you don't know what will happen!! My dad could get a new GF tomorrow and start having more concerts, I could be called for the perfect job in three days and I can start making money out of my blogs or YouTube or whatever else I love in a month!!<br />
You never know!!<br />
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So it's time to take a turn, cross the road and see what's there.<br />
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And I'll take some of Massie's attitude with me (not the mean part, promise!), because she gives me strength!<br />
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And that's what I need right now.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large; font-weight: normal;"><u>Today's Motto:</u> </span><br />
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<b>"Your mind will answer most questions if yo learn to relax and wait for the answer." - William S.Burroughs</b><br />
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<br /><u style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: large;">Today's Song:</span></u></h3>
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Hearts Hugs and Kisses</div>
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Ella <3</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09698536679331273635noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5898699510125495504.post-71683930124002929342014-12-26T13:34:00.000-08:002015-02-12T11:26:06.385-08:00Need It To End.<br />
<b><i>Sometimes... You just can't take it anymore.</i></b><br />
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It's killing me.<br />
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This, all of this, is killing me from the inside out.<br />
I can't breathe. I can't speak. Or think. Or eat. Or even cry anymore.<br />
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I've lost all hope of being able to choose. I've lost all hope in myself. In my mind, and my heart.<br />
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All I want is for this to end. I can't take it anymore.<br />
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I'm living in a state of anxiety 24/7. My heart is always tight, my mind is always foggy, my eyes are always watery.<br />
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I can't handle the pain anymore. Everything hurts. Everything stings. Everything stresses.<br />
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Every word, no matter what it means, ends up giving me more questions and doubts instead of answers.<br />
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My heat will be broken no matter what I choose. My mind will be crowded no matter where I go.<br />
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All I want is this confusion, this hurt, this stress, this anxiety, this, all of this, all of the doubt, to end.<br />
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Because if it doesn't, I will. End.<br />
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<u style="font-weight: bold;">Today's motto:</u> "Anxiety is the dizziness of freedom."<br />
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<b><u>Today's song:</u></b><br />
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Hearts Hugs and Kisses<br />
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Ella <3Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09698536679331273635noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5898699510125495504.post-34275522046924127862014-12-19T14:43:00.001-08:002015-02-12T11:26:00.620-08:00Too Stressed To Reflect<b><i><br /></i></b>
<b><i>Sometimes... You're just not in the mood to think.</i></b><br />
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Lately I've been so stressed about all the decisions I need to take, all I've been wanting is something to take my mind away.<br />
Anxiety creeps in at every moment, I keep catching my breath. And not in a good way.<br />
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My deadline is closing in. I have to decide if I'm going to leave my country to take the course I want, while dying inside because I'll have to be away from my family, or stay in my country next to my family and forget my dream. Yeah, I know, seems easy hun?<br />
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Every time this comes to my head, my heart jumps. I cant control how anxious I get. And I can't get it out of my head either.<br />
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I've been living in a stage of stress for the past months. Half of me is really thankful that I have less then a month to decide. At least this will be over.<br />
But the other half of me just wished I had more time.<br />
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I've gone over the pros and cons of both options a million times and I still can't decide. How can I? Decide between being away from my family while pursuing my dream or forgetting it and staying with them?<br />
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I guess it's that old dilemma: Career or Family?<br />
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I mean it's not like I'm not going to see my family at every chance I get a talk to them every single day. But I won't be able to hug my mom everyday, to go to my dad's house every two weeks and watch crazy movies filled with guns with him (not really my style, but there's actually been some I liked!<br />
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Even when I move out of my house, my mom and my dad will always be a short car ride away!<br />
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If I go to the UK?? They'll be a freaking play ride away!!<br />
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On the other hand, Skype is a miracle and the UK and Portugal aren't too far away. And tickets can be pretty cheap.<br />
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Still... not the same. But to take a great course and maybe have a chance to actually follow my dream, it can be worth it. Right?<br />
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I don't know... That's the thing. I don't know.<br />
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And I need to know.<br />
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<u style="font-weight: bold;">Today's motto:</u> "Waiting hurts. Forgiving hurts. But not knowing which decision to take can sometimes be the most painful..." - José N. Harris<br />
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<b><u>Today's song:</u></b><br />
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<b><u>Today's pic:</u></b><br />
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Hearts Hugs and Kisses<br />
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Ella <3Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09698536679331273635noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5898699510125495504.post-51904251595862754742014-11-14T12:44:00.002-08:002015-02-12T11:25:53.375-08:00Sleepless Nights<div>
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<i><b>Sometimes... You just can't sleep.</b></i></div>
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<i>I lay here</i></div>
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<i>Motionless</i></div>
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<i>Eyes Open</i></div>
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<i>Surrounded by Darkness </i></div>
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<i>I lay here</i></div>
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<i>Silent</i></div>
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<i>Trying to drift off</i></div>
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<i>To that land where all we wish is true</i></div>
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<i>But I don't</i></div>
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<i>I can't</i></div>
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<i>I'm stuck here</i></div>
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<i>In the Darkness</i></div>
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<i>Where I lay</i></div>
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<i>Motionless and Silent </i></div>
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<i>Alone</i></div>
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<i>Because you're not here with me</i></div>
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<i>Because I can't dream and pretend you are</i></div>
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<i>Instead, here I just lay</i></div>
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<i>As time goes by</i></div>
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<i>Until the Light finally comes </i></div>
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<i>And starts to erase the Dark</i></div>
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<i>But not from my heart </i></div>
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<u style="font-weight: bold;">Today's motto:</u> " 4am knows all my secrets"<br />
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<b><u>Today's song:</u></b><br />
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Hearts Hugs and Kisses<br />
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Ella <3</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09698536679331273635noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5898699510125495504.post-1218983319959048312014-11-10T16:41:00.001-08:002015-02-12T11:25:47.359-08:00Writer's Block<br />
<b><i>Sometimes... You get blocked.</i></b><br />
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I'm not sure if i can call this writer's block, because I don't consider myself a writer in anyway... But the truth is, I am blocked.<br />
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I can't figure out what to write about or how to write it.<br />
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There's a poetry contest going on right now where I live, and I usually always send some stuff there (I never won or anything, but I still find it fun and thrilling!).<br />
But soon the deadline will be here and I haven't come up with one single poem.<br />
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A couple of years ago I would write almost every single day! Mostly poetry, even though I always wrote some random text and short stories (or long stories that I never finished) once in a while.<br />
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But since then, I've been completely blocked.<br />
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And not just in writing.<br />
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It kind of feels like my entire life is blocked.<br />
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I can't find a part-time job, I can't find a place to volunteer that fits me, I can't start my dancing classes and my driving license classes cause it somehow feels like I always have something else to do, even though I feel like I do nothing.<br />
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I can't decide which course, school or even which country I want to have my college years in.<br />
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I'm lost and blocked.<br />
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And I have no idea how to find myself and break free.<br />
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<u style="font-weight: bold;">Today's motto:</u> "Writing about writer's block is better than not writing at all"<br />
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<b><u>Today's song:</u></b><br />
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<a href="http://www.tillhecomes.org/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/lost-inside-myself.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://www.tillhecomes.org/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/lost-inside-myself.jpg" height="480" width="640" /></a></div>
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Hearts Hugs and Kisses<br />
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Ella <3Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09698536679331273635noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5898699510125495504.post-5501350125216682432014-10-24T05:35:00.000-07:002015-02-12T11:25:39.298-08:00The Moon Shines - a poem<br />
<b><i>Sometimes... the moon shines.</i></b><br />
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i><b><u>The Moon Shines</u></b></i></b></div>
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<span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Have you ever seen it?</i></div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>That one singular moment</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>When the Moon shines?</i></div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-style: italic;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Did you see it's beauty</i></div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Feel it's light</i></div>
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<i>And hear it's whisper?</i></div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-style: italic;"><br /></span></div>
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<i>Oh, if you've never heard Her whisper</i></div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>You've never heard any whisper at all.</i></div>
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<span style="font-style: italic;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-style: italic;"><br /></span></div>
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<i>It is the most delightful sound</i></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Like the Wind singing a song</i></div>
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<i>Given beat by the Raindrops that slowly fall </i></div>
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<i>While you simply lay in bed and listen.</i></div>
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<span style="font-style: italic;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>It's like witnessing the Sea</i></div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Chanting it's way till Shore</i></div>
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<i>Which welcomes Him with open harms</i></div>
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<i>Echoing His melody.</i></div>
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<span style="font-style: italic;"><br /></span></div>
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<i>It's like having your soul mate</i></div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Softly mutter at your ear</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>The three words that set your body on Fire</i></div>
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<i>"I love you"</i></div>
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<span style="font-style: italic;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-style: italic;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>And so, that's the whisper</i></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>That you can only hear in that magical moment</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>When all Faries come out</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>and The Moon Shines.</i></div>
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<u style="font-weight: bold;">Today's motto:</u> "The moon is friend for the lonesome to talk to."<br />
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<b><u>Today's song:</u></b><br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/4Tr0otuiQuU?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
<b><u><br /></u></b>
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<b><u>Today's pic:</u></b><br />
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<a href="http://f1.pepst.com/c/DF3C3F/335362/ssc3/home/092/clochette/albums/moon_fairy.jpg_480_480_0_64000_0_1_0.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://f1.pepst.com/c/DF3C3F/335362/ssc3/home/092/clochette/albums/moon_fairy.jpg_480_480_0_64000_0_1_0.jpg" height="640" width="532" /></a></div>
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<span style="color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">Hearts Hugs and Kisses,</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">Ella <3</span></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09698536679331273635noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5898699510125495504.post-59072434282166014182014-10-17T13:35:00.000-07:002015-02-12T11:25:32.822-08:00Keep Fighting<br />
<b><i>Sometimes... You have too keep up the fight even if you keep losing it.</i></b><br />
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The are many times when things don't go our way.<br />
When we want something that, no matter how hard we try to achieve, we just can't seem to get.<br />
When you try so hard to reach our goal, and it just seems to run away.<br />
When we can almost see it, almost touch it... and then something happens that puts us right back where we started once again.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Things can take unexpected turns, brings us down and crash our hopes.<br />
<br />
But we can't let them.<br />
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It's ok to be frustrated.<br />
It's ok to be mad.<br />
It's ok to be sad.<br />
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But it's not ok to give up!<br />
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Even if it all seems against you, even if you feel like all you have is bad luck, even if it looks like life hates you and it's trying to sabotage every single thing you do... You HAVE to keep fighting.<br />
<br />
You have to get up again and again and again and again, forever, no matter how many times you fall.<br />
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You have to find new ways to do things, new places to go to, new people to talk to, new phrases to say. You have to keep finding new things that can take you to where you wanna go, to what you want to get.<br />
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<br />
No matter what, you HAVE to keep going.<br />
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You HAVE to fight for your DREAMS.<br />
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Because if you don't... they die<br />
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And so does you soul.<br />
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<u style="font-weight: bold;">Today's motto:</u> "You have to keep up the fight, even if you keep losing all the battles. Because if you give up the fight, you also give up any of the chances to win"<br />
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<u style="font-weight: bold;">Today's song:</u><br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/wd72F3eKwds?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
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<b><u>Today's pic:</u></b><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://wall.hr/cdn/uploads/2014/02/af5aca3d/never-give-up-on-something.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://wall.hr/cdn/uploads/2014/02/af5aca3d/never-give-up-on-something.jpg" height="425" width="640" /></a></div>
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Hearts Hugs and Kisses<br />
<br />
Ella <3Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09698536679331273635noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5898699510125495504.post-8691511086621892872014-10-10T07:09:00.000-07:002014-10-10T07:09:18.958-07:00Decisions<div>
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<b><i>Sometimes... You have to decide, even though you're not sure if you're making the right choice.</i></b></div>
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This month as been the most complicated and stressful month I think I ever had. </div>
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<div>
I had a very important decision to make that changed the coursed of everything, at least for now.</div>
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I got into college. Into cinema, which I love. So usually, people would be happy and over the top about right?</div>
<div>
Well... Not me.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div>
The truth is, even though I love cinema A LOT, my first choice was always performing arts. But here where I live that's impossible, cause there's only one course, in a private college (yep, I'm not rich here!) and the actual course isn't that great.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Adding to that, I had always wanted to take a gap year. The idea of having an entire year to discover and explore the world, and myself, fascinated me! It's been something I wanted to do for a while.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
So, I get into colllege, but I can't stop thinking about that gap year I dreamed of.</div>
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And then I'm told that if I cancel my enrollment in 10 days, I get the money from the tuition fee back. </div>
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<br /></div>
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So I had to make a decision. Fast.</div>
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Now let's be honest here: I suck at decisions!! I can't decide betewen two cute tops! How was I supposed to do this?</div>
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<br /></div>
<div>
Well... Wilth a lot of stress, anxiety, fear and hurt, that's for sure.</div>
<div>
These were two of the harder weeks of my life.</div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
<div>
Deep down I knew I wanted the gap year, because I felt like it was such an opurtunity, and because I didn't want to regret not doing it latter.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div>
I did like the college and the course, but I can always try again next year. Or even figuere out other college with a course closer to what I want (if I'm brave enough to go study abroad, that is...).</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
So I decided to take my time.</div>
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<br /></div>
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This is officially the 2nd day of my gap year.</div>
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I don't know if I made the right choice.</div>
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I'm sacred, because I'm not sure anout what's to come.</div>
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It's uncertain, and us humans are scared about uncertainty. </div>
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But we also get exited by it.</div>
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It's something that's truly hard to understand...</div>
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<br /></div>
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But I do know this: whatever happens, I made this decision by myself, for myself, with my heart.</div>
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I guess that's all that matters, right?<br />
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<u style="font-weight: bold;">Today's motto:</u> "Decisions are as hard as stone. So you need to get a hammer, break them down, and just figure it out."<br />
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<b><u>Today's song:</u></b><br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/1DJZHFwWjqU?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
<b><u><br /></u></b>
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<b><u>Today's pic:</u></b><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://thinklink.in/wp-content/uploads/Decision-Making.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://thinklink.in/wp-content/uploads/Decision-Making.jpg" height="317" width="400" /></a></div>
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Hearts Hugs and Kisses<br />
<br />
Ella <3</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09698536679331273635noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5898699510125495504.post-11664868496789648332014-09-22T05:36:00.000-07:002014-09-22T05:36:07.339-07:00Long Time, No See!<br />
<b><i>Sometimes... it's just not you time.</i></b><br />
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So look who decided to write on her blog again after months and months of being away...<br />
<br />
I really did want to be back! I swear! But I wasn't allowed to. Honestly, I hadn't done anything I truly wanted to till Summer break started! And with camp and all... I still wasn't ready to write here again.<br />
<br />
But today, for dome reason, I felt this crazy urge to just come here and write something. Anything.<br />
It remimded me of what it felt like long ago, when I started this journey...<br />
<br />
I can't promise "posts everyday" or even "posts every week" (I actually don't know if I got into college yet so... I have no idea of how my life will be in a week!), but I can promise you this: I love blogging, and writting and sharing my thoughts with you. So I'll try my best to keep doing it.<br />
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And yes, I'm totally crazy for having 3 blogs (actually, almost 4, but that's a totally different post I'll do soon...), 2 YouTube channels, and still do school, drama club, dance classes, singing classes... Oh and find time to watch tons and tons of series somehow...<br />
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Yep. I'm 100% crazy!<br />
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But I love it all!! So I keep going, even if sometimes I have to leave a couple of things behind to focus on the ones that are colling me the most at the time.<br />
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My goal is to be able to manage all this and not fail any of the things (at least not too much). Complicated? Yes. Impossible? I hope not!<br />
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So here I am, on my couch, wearing my PJ's, listening to the rain outside, with FashionTV on and writing on my blog.<br />
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I have to say... it feels pretty good!<br />
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<b>Today's motto:</b> "If you can't do it all at one, start by doing one thing at a time. At some point, all will be done."<br />
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<b><u>Today's song:</u></b><br />
<b><u><br /></u></b>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/YmyCA91xJ5Y?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
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<b><u>Today's pic:</u></b><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lo05mwBMNE1qh6evk.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lo05mwBMNE1qh6evk.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
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Hearts Hugs and Kisses<br />
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Ella <3Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09698536679331273635noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5898699510125495504.post-89558591636101903382014-04-16T10:33:00.002-07:002014-04-16T10:34:14.880-07:00Ups...<br>
<b><i>Sometimes... Life takes over, and there's nothing you can do about it.</i></b><br>
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So maybe I wasn't back...<br>
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Maybe I was fooling myself, trying to make myself believe I could just come back and pretend like I was ok and actually had time to come back.<br>
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<br>
But I wasn't.<br>
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Honestly, I don't know if I'm back now!<br>
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But I can tell you this: I want to be.<br>
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I want to get out of this crazy cicle where school is life and it's all I care about, where all the fun has been taken away, where drama club is more of a pain then it is of a pleasure... Where I wanted to be here and write, and I just couldn't cause I always had everything else to do!<br>
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I want my happy, free, positive and lifefull self back!! I want to be myself!<br>
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I want to never have an anxiety attack again and stop being nervous and paranoid all the time.<br>
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I WANT TO BE BACK!<br>
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So please, life, let me do what I want.<br>
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<u style="font-weight: bold;">Today's motto:</u> "When you want something, you gotta go and get it yourself, cause no one will do it for you"<br>
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<b><u>Today's song:</u></b><br>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/zCbpHtoKiVw?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
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<b><u>Today's pic:</u></b><br>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8vQtHh4LEqaYWaKUxJ2ujO6MjlYcWdituA4k1xAt2_4uYyAg97uyEox5NJ2UTnr0sC0PTxgrsmP5irEU7sZcY1bE9DG8fD2Cvn64f-mQYExIQ03R65_yD5LvP_UtgXa2Lzkd3vj_4Pbc/s1600/free4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8vQtHh4LEqaYWaKUxJ2ujO6MjlYcWdituA4k1xAt2_4uYyAg97uyEox5NJ2UTnr0sC0PTxgrsmP5irEU7sZcY1bE9DG8fD2Cvn64f-mQYExIQ03R65_yD5LvP_UtgXa2Lzkd3vj_4Pbc/s1600/free4.jpg" height="306" width="320"></a></div>
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Hearts Hugs and Kisses</div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Ella <3</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09698536679331273635noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5898699510125495504.post-76540236397240372492013-12-15T10:33:00.001-08:002013-12-15T10:33:06.073-08:00Being Back.<br />
<b><i>Sometimes... you just need time to think and remake yourself.</i></b><br />
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Things were complicated.<br />
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A lot happened.<br />
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I had to stop for a while.<br />
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Summer was bittersweet.<br />
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I had some of the best moments of my life in that camp I was so afraid of going to (check my last post), which proved my point: the things you fear the most are the ones you probably should do!<br />
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But I also had the worst moment of my life: my grandmother passed away.<br />
I'm not ready to go there yet. I will be, one day. Just not today.<br />
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After so much happening, I needed a spiritual retreat. Or maybe just a retreat.<br />
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I left a big part of my life on hold. My blogs, YouTube, some other stuff I don't feel like talking about now...<br />
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It was hard. Leaving it all.<br />
Even knowing it wasn't for good.<br />
It was still hard.<br />
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But I knew it was going to be a good thing, in a long run.<br />
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And it was.<br />
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But now, it's <b>over</b>!<br />
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<b><i><u>I'M BACK!!!</u></i></b><br />
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I'm finally back!!! Shiny and bright as new and exited for what's to come! There's a lot I still have to get used to but I don't need to be away from the world to do that anymore!<br />
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And I am so happy about it!<br />
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I can't wait to start writing again!<br />
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I've missed it...<br />
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I just couldn't force myself to do it. I was too numb.<br />
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But I'm finally here and I'm not planning to leave anytime soon!!<br />
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So be ready!!<br />
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And get on this new ride with me! Let's see where it takes us...<br />
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<u style="font-weight: bold;">Today's motto:</u> "There are going to be times in your life you are going to have to stop, take a breath, and just think. But those moments ephemeral. They are just transitory states that will take you from your past to your future"<br />
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<b><u>Today's song:</u></b><br />
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<b><u>Today's pic:</u></b><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhlTr1j76B1wcyCbkeIfwLo847P8Mx9_o9U1_k5hQquOjsjho38WY_AAp44mcd3tVp4-KrVypvVGf7x2zB8Pqyh30VpjiWvb-_-OVEjgkeRC-dSiGqKPqqgDhcMydRz00Ck8R4WQeNrm2x/s1600/1004449_373314646123857_1814313333_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhlTr1j76B1wcyCbkeIfwLo847P8Mx9_o9U1_k5hQquOjsjho38WY_AAp44mcd3tVp4-KrVypvVGf7x2zB8Pqyh30VpjiWvb-_-OVEjgkeRC-dSiGqKPqqgDhcMydRz00Ck8R4WQeNrm2x/s320/1004449_373314646123857_1814313333_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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Hearts Hugs and Kisses<strong><u><br /></u></strong><br />
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Ella <3Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09698536679331273635noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5898699510125495504.post-87889232240208567952013-07-03T03:29:00.000-07:002013-07-03T03:29:01.805-07:00Fear.<br />
<strong><em>Sometimes... you have to walk right into what you fear.</em></strong><br />
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For many year my life has been ruled by fear. It's something I can't control.<br />
There are tons of things I never did just because I was afraid. And most of them were things I really wanted to do. Most of them were things I'm hoping to do in my future.<br />
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I'm very shy. Not "I'm quiet at first" shy. "I totally freeze when I'm in a place with other people" shy!<br />
And it has been taking over my life.<br />
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Acting workshops, singing and dance classes, camps... all things I never got myself into because I was to afraid that my shyness would speak louder and stop me from doing whatever I had or wanted to do.<br />
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I've been fighting this fear for years, since I remember being a person really, and I've been losing.<br />
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<strong>But... </strong><br />
<strong>Not. Any. More!</strong><br />
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I've made a decision. From now on I will try my best to get myself into situations that are out of my comfort zone. I'm going to try my best to overcome my issues with being shy and win this war!<br />
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Starting this summer.<br />
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I'll be going to a performative arts camp. I've never been so scared in my life. I can't stop thinking about it. And it's starts in like a month!<br />
But I'm so afraid.<br />
<br />
<br />
But I promised myself I wouldn't back down. I'm going to do this!<br />
The worst thing that can happen is spending the most awful week of my life, hate it, and then... it's over!<br />
But, at least this one time, I won't regret something I didn't do!<br />
In the worse scenario, I'll regret something I did! And believe me, for me, it's already a huge win!<br />
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I'm sure, no matter what happens, that I'll be happy in the end.<br />
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Because I faced my fear.<br />
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<strong><u>Today's motto:</u></strong> "You've got to risk it to get the biscuit!"<br />
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<u><strong>Today's song:</strong> </u></div>
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<u><strong>Today's pic:</strong></u></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnioJX4a-z1243IBYHUtrJJ25HQCLIjfx4EcJirMXPIwt5r2SswSjbFQHd3XBlgIBxkETcKezQxJnkMEnH-PVNW20QMEPNjvK6BYY3BjX5EtH9vZld11QbS2VSnQaQDjUNgdP8Z9LBQngS/s700/some-times-you-gotta-risk-it-to-get-the-biscuit.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" oya="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnioJX4a-z1243IBYHUtrJJ25HQCLIjfx4EcJirMXPIwt5r2SswSjbFQHd3XBlgIBxkETcKezQxJnkMEnH-PVNW20QMEPNjvK6BYY3BjX5EtH9vZld11QbS2VSnQaQDjUNgdP8Z9LBQngS/s320/some-times-you-gotta-risk-it-to-get-the-biscuit.png" width="274" /></a></div>
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Hearts Hugs and Kisses<strong><u><br /></u></strong><br /><br />Ella <3Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09698536679331273635noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5898699510125495504.post-68097793774267412632013-04-12T17:03:00.000-07:002013-04-12T17:03:01.942-07:00Questions.<br />
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<b><i>Sometimes... you have to question everything you've always believed in.</i></b><br />
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My entire life, I've worked very hard.<b><i><br /></i></b><br />
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To do good in school, to try not to disappoint my family and friends, to be always honest, nice, sweet...<br />
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<br />
I've always tried my best, mostly in school.<br />
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I've worked myself to exhaustion many times. But this year, it got serious.<br />
<br />
As in crying compulsively in the middle of a test serious!<br />
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I have always been told you are supposed to have the best grades so you'll get into a nice collage and have a perfect life.<br />
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But we all know that's not how it works.<br />
<br />
You can get into a nice collage, but that doesn't, in any way, mean you'll have a life even close to perfect.<br />
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Personally, I think a perfect life would be too easy and boring.<br />
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But I do want a good life. I want to do what I love, what makes me happy. I want friends that love me for who I am. I want my family to be proud of me.<br />
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So... to get that, I need amazing grades right now? Is that it?<br />
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Because that's what they make us believe... That's what I've always believed, even without noticing it!<br />
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Why would I try so hard if I didn't?<br />
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I want to best the best I can be, yes. <br />
<br />
But the key word here is <u><i><b>can</b></i></u>!<br />
<br />
<u><i><b>Can</b></i></u> I work myself to exhaustion? <u><i><b>Can</b></i></u> I be stressed all the time because of school? <b><i><u>Can</u></i></b> I go crazy and have a breakdown because of a grade? Really? <b><i><u>Can</u></i></b> I?<br />
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I don't think so!<br />
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I want to do it right. I want to be the best I can be. For myself. And the ones I love.<br />
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But I don't want this! <br />
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I don't want to be acting like a little baby that doesn't want to go to school the next day! <br />
I don't want to be exhausted everyday. <br />
I don't want to be stressed and freaked out because I have a test in a couple of days and I feel like I'm not going to get a 20 out of 20!<br />
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I really do not want <strong>this</strong>!<br />
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It looks like I'm trying to get into a medicine course or something! <br />
I'm not!<br />
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I don't even know what course I'm trying to get into!!<br />
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Is it performing arts? Cinema? Fashion? Literature? I DON'T KNOW!<br />
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Then why am I freaking out all the time? Why?<br />
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Wanna know why? Because that's what I've been taught to do.<br />
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Since you get into school, you're encouraged try to be the best (not the best you can be, just the best, as in better than everyone else), to have the maximum quotation in a test even if that makes you loose three or four days of your live, to memorize every single page of a huge book for a day and forget it the next...<br />
<br />
Why?<br />
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Why do they make us believe this is going to make us happy?<br />
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And why do you take it!? Why don't we question it??<br />
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Well... I'm questioning it now!<br />
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But I still don't know anything...<br />
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<strong><u>Today's motto:</u></strong> "Have the life you want, not the one other people want for you"<br />
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<strong><u>Today's song:</u></strong><br />
<strong><u><br /></u></strong>
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<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/VB4xhA88sh4?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
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<strong><u>Today's pic:</u><u><br /></u></strong><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/proxy/AVvXsEgOs5PmxqoKSEYInrkBkFHx8k1_sS87bjw6llvNnMaBlNCorfmntEqN9mYmbnoJW3UTAR5PTMiHCMCBT4UuDnfwD45wjWkCHoNlFObjNnp6B38AylgfTi1r1_dfn6P1fvMGiVL-OPwB8hMx7G1elNlngBKacg=" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/proxy/AVvXsEgOs5PmxqoKSEYInrkBkFHx8k1_sS87bjw6llvNnMaBlNCorfmntEqN9mYmbnoJW3UTAR5PTMiHCMCBT4UuDnfwD45wjWkCHoNlFObjNnp6B38AylgfTi1r1_dfn6P1fvMGiVL-OPwB8hMx7G1elNlngBKacg=" width="320" /></a></div>
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Hearts Hugs and Kisses<strong><u><br /></u></strong><br />
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Ella <3<br />
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<span class="hps">Life is</span> <span class="hps">about choices</span>. <span class="hps">So</span> <span class="hps">I chose</span>.<br />
<br />
<span class="hps">I chose</span> <span class="hps">to like who</span> <span class="hps">likes me</span>.<br />
To l<span class="hps">isten</span> to <span class="hps">who</span> <span class="hps">hears me</span>.<br />
To worry about<span class="hps"> who</span> <span class="hps">worries about me</span>.<br />
<span class="hps">To love who</span> <span class="hps">loves me</span>.<br />
To help <span class="hps">those who help me</span>.<br />
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<span class="hps">I chose</span> <span class="hps">to like myself</span>.<br />
<span class="hps">To focus</span> <span class="hps">on what I</span> <span class="hps">like</span>.<br />
To s<span class="hps">trive</span> <span class="hps">for what</span> <span class="hps">I</span> <span class="hps">love</span>.<br />
<span class="hps">To work</span> <span class="hps">to satisfy myself.</span><br />
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<span class="hps">I chose to live</span> <span class="hps">the way</span> <span class="hps">I want and</span><span class="hps"> like</span>, <span class="hps">according to my</span> <span class="hps">ideals and</span> <span class="hps">values</span>, <span class="hps">without worrying about</span> <span class="hps">opinions</span> <span class="hps">and judgments</span> of those who <span class="hps">have nothing on</span> <span class="hps">which</span> <span class="hps">to judge</span>.<br />
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<span class="hps">I chose</span> <span class="hps">to walk</span> <span class="hps">straight ahead</span>, <span class="hps">just</span> <span class="hps">giving</span> <span class="hps">myself</span> <span class="hps">the luxury</span> <span class="hps">of looking back</span> when <span class="hps">to admire</span> <span class="hps">my past</span>, <span class="hps">my mistakes</span>, my <span class="hps">victories</span> <span class="hps">and</span> <span class="hps">everything else</span> <span class="hps">that made me</span> <span class="hps">who I am now</span>.<br />
<br />
<span class="hps">I chose</span> <span class="hps">to fight to</span> <span class="hps">get out</span> <span class="hps">of the cage and</span> <span class="hps">fly freely</span>, <span class="hps">leaving the door open</span> <span class="hps">to be able to</span> <span class="hps">go back and</span> <span class="hps">rest</span> <span class="hps">from time to time</span>.<br />
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<span class="hps">I chose</span> <span class="hps">to drop</span> <span class="hps">all</span> <span class="hps">that</span> <span class="hps">weight</span>s <span class="hps">pulling</span> <span class="hps">me</span> <span class="hps">down,</span> <span class="hps">one at a time</span>, <span class="hps">and so,</span> <span class="hps">lighten up</span> <span class="hps">in order to fly</span> <span class="hps">higher.</span><br />
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<span class="hps">I chose</span> <span class="hps">to choose</span>.<br />
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<span class="hps">And</span> <span class="hps">I chose to be</span> <span class="hps">happy</span> <span class="hps">♥</span><br />
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<span class="hps"><u>Today's motto:</u> "You have the life you choose"</span><br />
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<span class="hps"><u>Today's song:</u></span><br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/5AYWRUB3rGg?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
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<span class="hps"><u>Today's pic:</u></span><br />
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<a href="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m5gihiZFQ31rsp120o1_500.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m5gihiZFQ31rsp120o1_500.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span class="hps">Hearts Hugs and Kisses<br /><br />Ella <3<u><br /></u></span><br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09698536679331273635noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5898699510125495504.post-26523403265611632202013-01-05T12:27:00.001-08:002013-01-05T12:27:19.849-08:00I Found The Light.<br />
<strong><em>Sometimes... you find your way and climb out of the black hole.</em></strong><br />
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For the past months, I've been lost. Totally empty. I was always sad, upset, crying, hurting.<strong><em><br /></em></strong><br />
It felt like nothing made sense. Like things were all wrong. Like nothing could help me coming back from the darkness.<br />
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I had lost myself.<br />
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The things I love meant nothing. They felt so away. Like they had run away from me. Like everything else had.<br />
I wasn't doing anything because I like it. All I did was because I had to do it. Nothing felt good or amusing. Things were just boring and meaningless. Even though I loved them. I knew I did! I just didn't remember...<br />
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Everyone was gone. There was nobody there to catch me. To tell everything would be alright. To make me feel like I wasn't a total failure and that I could get out of the dark and come back to the light.<br />
My best friend left me for someone that hurts and destroys her.<br />
My other friends have their lives.<br />
And I won't even mention him. Why would I? It's not like it matters at all.<br />
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All I did was survive.<br />
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But, after going through being lost, I finally found myself.<br />
How, you ask? In everything I love. In singing, acting writing, making YouTube videos, dancing, reading ... just Living.<br />
And in the people. My friends, my family, random people that inspire me (Kimmi Smiles was - is - a big one). They are the ones that matter. They are the ones who love me and care about me and that I love and care about. They are the important ones.<br />
And all of this woke me up.<br />
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It made me see it. All of it.<br />
All the beauty, the happiness, the love that surrounds me.<br />
I woke up and said "You know what? I should be happy. I deserve to be happy! I AM HAPPY!".<br />
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And, let's be honest, I have a roof, a family, food, clothes, everything I need and some extras.<br />
Yes, I've been hurt. Yes, I've been disappointed. Yes, I've been broken. Yes, I've been lost.<br />
But that's fine! That's all fine.<br />
Wanna know why?<br />
Because that means one thing:<br />
<br />
I AM ALIVE. <br />
AND I LOVE IT.<br />
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<u>Today's motto:</u> “You've gotta dance like there's nobody watching, love like you'll never be hurt, sing like there's nobody listening, and live like it's heaven on earth.”<br />
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<u>Today's song:</u> Catch My Breath - cover by Against The Current and Alex Goot<br />
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<u>Today's pic:</u><br />
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<a href="http://contactglenda.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/be-happy1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://contactglenda.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/be-happy1.jpg" width="256" /></a></div>
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Hearts Hugs and Kisses<br /><br />Ella <3<br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09698536679331273635noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5898699510125495504.post-42265498022717138272012-11-15T13:36:00.000-08:002012-11-15T13:36:12.383-08:00Forcing An Ending.<br />
<strong><em>Sometimes... you have to say "I've had enough".</em></strong><br />
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I'm sick.<br />
I'm just sick.<br />
Sick of the lies, of the games, the smiles, the tears, the sadness, the happiness...<br />
Sick of everything.<br />
<br />
All thanks to him.<br />
The one that has ever made me feel like I was loved, who's also the one that makes me feel alone and broke.<br />
<br />
The only one I never expected to leave me, left.<br />
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Worse. Tricked me. Lied. Broke a promise.<br />
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And now? Acts like I'm invisible. Like I don't exist. Like I never did...<br />
<br />
<br />
You know what?<br />
<br />
<br />
Stop.<br />
<br />
<span class="userContent">Stop for a second.<br /> Leave all of your little stupid plays behind for a moment.<br /> And look. Just look at what you're doing.<br /> To you. To her. To them. To me. To us. To everyone and everything.<br /> Stop!<br /> Just stop!<br /> End the lies. The tricks. The false smiles, words, looks.<br /> Just end it all. End the play.<br /> Cause I'm closing the curtains.</span><br />
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<span class="userContent"><u>Today's motto:</u> "You have to be strong. And, a lot of times, that means leaving behind who you love."</span><br />
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<span class="userContent"><u>Today's song:</u> Forgot To Laugh by Bridgit Mendler</span><br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/CvhYUF80zpo?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
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<span class="userContent"><u>Today's pic:</u></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHdf0qfz5nnlPp9ShVJuooyLVg4qvSUluKquUD8Zo_2Ag12sY_UTZS60edn9Bb1rbMh3L7BwhjtG2uUl3axTTUlnnMWznmBo3ne3pyesMAFMS5KgfEqvdZcKFV3huGQnhfM3KCIoeFxJD2/s1600/the-end-old-movie.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHdf0qfz5nnlPp9ShVJuooyLVg4qvSUluKquUD8Zo_2Ag12sY_UTZS60edn9Bb1rbMh3L7BwhjtG2uUl3axTTUlnnMWznmBo3ne3pyesMAFMS5KgfEqvdZcKFV3huGQnhfM3KCIoeFxJD2/s320/the-end-old-movie.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span class="userContent">Hearts Hugs and Kisses<br /><br />Ella <3 </span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09698536679331273635noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5898699510125495504.post-26304088129597698372012-11-02T17:34:00.002-07:002012-11-02T17:39:29.249-07:00An Awkward Desire<strong><em></em></strong><br />
<strong><em>Sometimes... you can even surprise yourself!</em></strong><br />
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I think I'm going to say the most strange thing in the world: I want them to stay together.<br />
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Yes, them. Not me and him. Them.<br />
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They're perfect!<br />
I know it sounds like I'm crazy, I mean, wanting the guy I love to be with other girl? Crazy! But... Whatever! Then I'm crazy. So what?<br />
It's just the truth!<br />
<br />
I feel like they just belong to each other. And I can't even believe they ever broke up!<br />
I have no idea of their story or what happened between them. All I know is that they belong together.<br />
I'm sure of it like I've never been sure of anything in my life.<br />
<br />
<br />
He needs someone that can prove to him that he has much to give (as I know he does), and she's need someone that shows her how amazing and beautiful she is.<br />
They would help each other in ways that they won't even be able to see. Only someone that's on the outside can understand. Because it's something that you don't see when it happens to you. Only when it happens to others.<br />
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I still love him. I do. It's not like it's something that just goes away with a pill!<br />
But exactly because I love him that I want him to be happy and to be with someone that can understand him and show him how great he really is.<br />
Even if that someone isn't me.<br />
<br />
Plus, I like her! As I've said before, I can see a spark of myself in her.<br />
And she deserves to be happy too.<br />
I don't need to know her very well (but I actually want to!) to know that she's special.<br />
She's the one for him.<br />
I'm pretty sure.<br />
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I just wish I could help them!<br />
I mean he has a girlfriend (which, btw, I hate! Not just causes he's his girlfriend but really cause she's kind of stupid! I've never liked her! And I knew her way before they were together!).<br />
And she's hurt and sad and broke!<br />
<br />
But I still thing they have a change!<br />
They have to!<br />
They need to.<br />
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I just wish I could do something...<br />
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Btw, when did become a matchmaker?<br />
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<u>Today's motto:</u> "You gotta sacrifice yourself for the ones you love. That's life"<br />
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<u>Today's song:</u> Little Thingsby One Direction<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/6wBzR7zhA0g?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
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<u>Today's pic:</u><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhh7h9PcOlgb8bouII7cun08Dcm0rnBD1SZ0r9nb3Wx_xiJM0_AV-qbp8YnVs_qErJF7NtvZRuivivpkLOmi4CU99KrCF9P8oCkfgexpKEz3NG7-oXL_nspbpiL25AVuPgGyNvBbTq4xjgY/s1600/cool.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="242" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhh7h9PcOlgb8bouII7cun08Dcm0rnBD1SZ0r9nb3Wx_xiJM0_AV-qbp8YnVs_qErJF7NtvZRuivivpkLOmi4CU99KrCF9P8oCkfgexpKEz3NG7-oXL_nspbpiL25AVuPgGyNvBbTq4xjgY/s320/cool.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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Hearts Hugs and Kisses<br />
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Ella <3 <br />
<u></u><br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09698536679331273635noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5898699510125495504.post-36093862132029749732012-11-01T12:13:00.002-07:002012-11-01T13:37:02.275-07:00Strange Connections<strong><em></em></strong><br />
<strong><em>Sometimes... you do things that make sense to no one but you.</em></strong><br />
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I did something really strange.<br />
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I started speaking with his <span class="hps">ex</span>-girlfriend. <br />
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Yes, the one he left me for.<br />
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I know right? Really weird!<br />
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To be honest, I'm not really sure why I did it! <br />
But I'm actually glad I did! Which is the <span class="hps alt-edited">weirdest.</span><br />
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<span class="hps alt-edited"></span><br />
<span class="hps alt-edited">She's so special! And different! She reminds me of... myself.</span><br />
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<span class="hps alt-edited">She's a great writer too, actually. She's really amazing. That's why I started talking to her, in the first place. I told her I loved what she writes. Which is true! And she was super sweet to me.</span><br />
<span class="hps alt-edited">And now, we've been talking for a while!</span><br />
<span class="hps alt-edited"></span><br />
<span class="hps alt-edited">The thing is... she has no idea of who I am! I talk to her as an <span class="hps">anonymous. </span></span><br />
<span class="hps alt-edited"><span class="hps">And she wants to know who I am. And what connects us (I told her we had a "strange and kind of dark" connection).</span></span><br />
<span class="hps alt-edited"><span class="hps">And I wanna tell her!</span></span><br />
<span class="hps alt-edited"><span class="hps">But...</span></span><br />
<br />
<span class="hps alt-edited"><span class="hps">What if she thinks I'm a freak?</span></span><br />
<span class="hps alt-edited"><span class="hps">What if she thinks I'm trying to get him in trouble? Because that's so not it!</span></span><br />
What if she tells him?<br />
<span class="hps alt-edited"><span class="hps"></span></span><br />
<span class="hps alt-edited"><span class="hps">But my biggest fear is... What if she hates me?</span></span><br />
<span class="hps alt-edited"><span class="hps"></span></span>What if she gets mad at me?<br />
<br />
I mean, I'm the girl he tried to conquer after being with her (even if he only tried for like a week, but whatever).<br />
And she's the girl he left me to be with!<br />
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Shouldn't I hate her?<br />
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But... I don't wanna hate her! I can't hate her! She is too special! She's too... looked like me!!!!<br />
And I don't want her to hate me!<br />
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It might seem like the <span class="hps alt-edited">weirdest thing ever but... I want us to be friends!</span><br />
<span class="hps alt-edited">I feel like we could help each other a lot. About him. And not just that.</span><br />
<span class="hps alt-edited"></span><br />
<span class="hps alt-edited">It really feels like we're two parts of the same person. </span><br />
<span class="hps alt-edited"></span><br />
<span class="hps alt-edited">When I read what she writes... It's almost like I can see myself writing the same (<span class="hps alt-edited">although, I don't have as much talent as she does)</span>! Almost like I know and feel the same. And that's really weird!</span><br />
<span class="hps alt-edited"></span><br />
<span class="hps alt-edited">But, for some odd reason, I like that we have these weird connections (even though having "him" as a connection might not be so good) .</span><br />
<span class="hps alt-edited"></span><br />
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<span class="hps alt-edited">It makes me feel like... </span><br />
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<span class="hps alt-edited">Like I'm not alone anymore.</span><br />
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<span class="hps alt-edited"><u>Today's motto:</u> "A dark connection might just become a really good friendship."</span><br />
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<u>Today's song:</u> I Knew You Were Trouble by Taylor Swift <br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/p2eCHdqFYj4?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
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<u>Today's pic:</u><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYkpvhqJEQrky-GhCP21Je13biX2XhEsrEIUsWhN7x-3Am4YvT5fBOjiWhc7grxbCgQAAqyXkmBPGMj_8B2ZmaLBjb-gmFsdXsvMWQgAkChJzTUOlMuUMpOgp8rsd8Q8hJi_LcKhtBI-ni/s1600/img-thing.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYkpvhqJEQrky-GhCP21Je13biX2XhEsrEIUsWhN7x-3Am4YvT5fBOjiWhc7grxbCgQAAqyXkmBPGMj_8B2ZmaLBjb-gmFsdXsvMWQgAkChJzTUOlMuUMpOgp8rsd8Q8hJi_LcKhtBI-ni/s1600/img-thing.jpg" /></a></div>
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Hearts Hugs and Kisses<br />
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Ella <3 Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09698536679331273635noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5898699510125495504.post-64699575639741969082012-10-28T09:34:00.000-07:002012-10-28T09:34:21.021-07:00Broken Hearted... Again.<em><strong>Sometimes... you're just stuck.</strong></em><br />
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He has a new girlfriend. Isn't it great??<em><strong><br /></strong></em><br />
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Being ironic is the best thing I can do right now.<br />
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Why, from all the people in the world,did I have to fall in love with a guy that has a new girlfriend every week??<br />
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It just hurts so much. And he aid he loves her. Not to me, obviously! He barely talks to me at all!<br />
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It's like I did something wrong! I did something wrong? Come on! He broke me 300 times, he lied and cheated! And I did something wrong? And he's the one that's not talking to me?<br />
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What's wrong with this world?<br />
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The worse thing?<br />
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I love him...<br />
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<u>Today's motto:</u> "Some people will never stop breaking your heart"<br />
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<u>Today's song:</u> We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together, covered by Debby Ryan and Nick Santino<br />
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<u>Today's pic:</u><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbDOjB_4QcWgGAtzqaa0dfDPGMFot7w4ouF8MMiV21yeoqd9BThwhNlVvT7LLt-6oZCG4rcUQh29RkRSjhFrtsYE9FJ1oTsVE907ZLnirnhpdep5UuyYc4PnrzF8HsWiva3SCtSI_ntDI/s320/brokenhearts.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbDOjB_4QcWgGAtzqaa0dfDPGMFot7w4ouF8MMiV21yeoqd9BThwhNlVvT7LLt-6oZCG4rcUQh29RkRSjhFrtsYE9FJ1oTsVE907ZLnirnhpdep5UuyYc4PnrzF8HsWiva3SCtSI_ntDI/s320/brokenhearts.jpg" /></a></div>
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Hearts Hugs and Kisses<br />
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Ella <3Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09698536679331273635noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5898699510125495504.post-15022207637900280592012-09-29T10:57:00.004-07:002012-09-29T10:57:54.635-07:00Regrets.<b><br /></b>
<i><b>Sometimes... you just don't know what to do.</b></i><br />
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Am I the only one that, when she's stuck on a guy, she really is?<i><b><br /></b></i><br />
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Things have changed.<br />
We're speaking again.<br />
But not like before. Nothing is what it use to be anymore.<br />
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They broke up.<br />
He and his girlfriend, I mean.<br />
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And he finally got the guts to talk to me.<br />
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He apologized too.<br />
He knows what he did.<br />
And he's actually sorry.<br />
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He wanted it to go back to what it was. Everything. Us.<br />
But I said no.<br />
I say we would be just friends.<br />
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He accepted it, obviously. It's not like he could say anything about it.<br />
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I thought I was doing the right thing.<br />
It felt right.<br />
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But now, that I feel like he might be moving on at any moment... I don't know anymore.<br />
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Cause, even if I don't wanna believe it, I love him.<br />
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And I don't wanna loose him. Not again.<br />
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What should I do?<br />
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<u>Today's motto:</u> "Think twice before you decide anything. Once you did, you can't go back."<br />
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<u>Today's song:</u> Run To Me - Kurt Schneider and The Royal Sons<br />
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<u>Today's pic:</u><br />
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Hearts Hugs and Kisses.<br /><br /><br />Ella <3<u><br /></u><br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09698536679331273635noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5898699510125495504.post-54294324336826575802012-08-21T16:19:00.002-07:002012-08-21T16:19:55.491-07:00Don't EVER trust a guy<strong><em>Sometimes... there are people that can't stop surprising us. And not in a good way.</em></strong><br />
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Remember the guy I talked t you about, not on my last post, but on the one before?<strong><em><br /></em></strong><br />
Yes, that one.<br />
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Well we haven't talked for almost 3 moths!<br />
And guess what my BFF Cris told me today? He has new girlfriend!! How great!! How sweet!! How nice!! Right??<br />
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Liked my sarcasm?<br />
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If I cried? Oh yes! That devil's sun was still able to make the tears come. But you know what? I don't care. I don't care if he has a new girlfriend that he's going to leave in 2 days or that he's going to marry in 20 years!<br />
It does not affect me.<br />
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But wanna know what does? The fact that I thought (stupid me!) That he was actually my friend! That he actually cared for me!<br />
Well, apparently, I was wrong (as always! when do I learn??).<br />
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He was not even able to tell me! After everything he did to me, he did not even have the guts to tell me something! I had to hear it from a friend!<br />
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What a lack of courage.<br />
He wasn't even able to stand up for his actions!<br />
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And you know what it does to me? Do you know what he's lack of courage makes me feel like?<br />
Disgusted!<br />
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For me, he's nothing but disgusting!<br />
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At the end of the day... you know what? I can't believe this was the guy I gave my heart to!<br />
Glad I woke up soon enough!<br />
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<u>Today's motto:</u> "Better alone than in bad company"<br />
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<u>Today's song:</u><br />
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For such a special day I choose two songs. To give power to all us girls out there ;)<u><br /></u><br />
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<u>Today's pic:</u><br />
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I also have two pictures today. I think both make sense :)<u><br /></u><br />
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P.S. Remeber: If he doesn't fight for you, he doesn't deserve you ;)<br />
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Hearts Hugs and Kisses.<br /><br /><br />Ella <3<br />
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<u><br /></u>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09698536679331273635noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5898699510125495504.post-40856941408399517692012-08-16T05:08:00.000-07:002012-08-16T05:08:03.155-07:00Where are the gentlemen nowadays?<strong><em>Sometimes... you witnessing </em></strong><span class="hps"><strong><em>things</em></strong> <strong><em>that make you angry!</em></strong></span><br />
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<span class="hps">Today I witnessed something that really made me want to start a riot!</span><br />
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<span class="hps">I went to my school (even though I'm still on vacations) because I had to pick up some random and boring paper, that I don't even know what's for!</span><br />
After that, I went to pick up the bus.<br />
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While I was waiting, I noticed two men that were on other bus (the driver and some other that I have no idea of what was doing there).<br />
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After a while, I listened to the train warning (because my bus station is next to a train station) and, 2 minutes latter, this woman passed by, running on her heels (which were wedges - and really cute actually! - but pretty high), <span class="hps">apparently trying to catch the train that was arriving at the station that moment.</span><br />
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<span class="hps">She <span class="hps">she</span> <span class="hps">left my</span> sight for two seconds and, right after, I heard a <span class="hps">a</span> <span class="hps">strange noise</span> <span class="hps">and</span> <span class="hps alt-edited">an attempt of a scream, muffled by the <span class="hps">previous sound.</span></span></span><br />
<span class="hps"><span class="hps alt-edited"><span class="hps">I looked and there was exactly what I expected to see: the lady, on the ground, trying to get all the things that fell from her purse and with one <span class="hps">foot shoeless. </span></span></span></span><br />
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<span class="hps"><span class="hps alt-edited"><span class="hps"><span class="hps">I, as a polite person, <span class="hps">immediately got up and ran up to her to see if she was ok and needed help.</span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span class="hps"><span class="hps alt-edited"><span class="hps"><span class="hps"><span class="hps">The lady seemed so scared, <span class="hps alt-edited">misguided and sad, as no human face should look like. Mostly not one who belongs to such a nice, fragile and polite lady. It broke my heart. </span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
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I helped her up and got her shoe. She was a little mad that she lost the train but she was <span class="hps">physically fine and (I think) happy and touched that someone actually cared and helped her (which I'm pretty proud of myself for, I have to admit).</span><br />
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<span class="hps">She thanked me and went away, living me with a smile and the sensation of job done!</span><br />
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<span class="hps">That was, until I got back to where I was before and looked inside the bus where the men were. They were just laughing at the all situation and did not even have the wisdom of trying to hide how amused they were. And I'm not even going to go into the fact that they (as two adult men) didn't even try to help the woman!</span><br />
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<span class="hps">All of this made me think!</span><br />
<span class="hps">So I have a warning. </span><br />
<span class="hps">Girls and ladys out there: remember! There are no gentlemen in this world anymore!</span><br />
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<span class="hps">And guys (not even going to try to talk for the men because it's not worth it!): Please try to become the gentlemen of tomorrow! Forget about that stupid idea that a "masculine man" is a soulless animal! Girls like it when you hold the door for them or help them if they fall or need something. Not when you slam the door in their face or laugh at them when they're in trouble! And I would know!! I mean, I'm a girl!! </span><br />
<span class="hps">Please, try not the be like these men I just talked about ,that didn't even have the sweetness of trying to help a lady. </span><br />
<span class="hps">Because, if you became like them, you'll be nothing but a person who makes fun of everything and everyone just to try to fill this empty space in your chest (where your heart and soul should be), with no <span class="hps">success!!</span></span><br />
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<span class="hps"><span class="hps"><u>Today's motto:</u> "Treat the others like you wish to be treated"</span></span><br />
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<span class="hps"><span class="hps"><u>Today's song:</u> Hello Cold World - Paramore</span></span><br />
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<span class="hps"><span class="hps">Oh! And, before I go, I just wanted to day I'm sorry for not writing for a while. These months have been crazy and rough. Thanks for understanding :)</span></span><br />
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<span class="hps"><span class="hps">Hearts Hugs and Kisses.<u><br /></u><br /><br />Ella <3</span></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09698536679331273635noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5898699510125495504.post-38874384965733343732012-06-27T14:28:00.001-07:002012-06-27T14:28:08.597-07:00A Dark Twist.<b><i>Sometimes... life gives you the world just to have the pleasure of ripping it out of your hands.</i></b><br />
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Have you ever felt like you had the all world smilling to you and, 10 seconds later, everything went dark?<b><i><br /></i></b><br />
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I was so happy.<br />
My grades weren't the best, but they were good. Great, really. Not the best I can do, but still great.<br />
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I started the beauty/fashion videos on youtube. And my What Makes You Beautiful cover passed 100 views.<br />
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I finally got over the guy I've been in love with for 3 years.<br />
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And, even better, I had a guy that seemed to like me like I liked him. Sorry, loved. Oh, I'm sorry again, <i>love.</i><br />
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My love life was finally... existenting. At least, I thought so.<br />
He made me smile. Laugh. Feel happy. Safe.<br />
He actually made me belive that it could work.<br />
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But things change.Things always change.I just wished it hadn't changed so soon.<br />
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I'm really not made for it. All this love, romance, couples thing. I'm not made for it. I'm not made to be loved like that. By anyone. No one deserves the horror that is loving me.<br />
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It's actually a good thing. The fact that he doesn't like me. It's good. For him. Why? Beacouse I'm not made for it. For being loved. If he really loved me, he would be the one losing. He would be the one who was unhappy. And I couldn't live with that. I love him too much to make him go through that. I just want him to be happy. Even if that means staying away from me.<br />
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I wish, with all my strenght, that he would just talk to me. Solve it all. Make everything go back to what it was.<br />
I wish we could just talk. Work things out. Be happy again.<br />
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But I won't say anything. I won't text. Becouse, if I did that, I would be putting pressure into him. And I can't do that.<br />
He's the one who has to see what he really feels. If he loves, or ever loved me, he will say something.<br />
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Till then, I'll just wait. Becouse there's nothing else I can do. And that breaks me.<br />
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If I still have hope? Of course! There's nothing I can do about that.<br />
If I want him here? Next to me? Even after all of this? Yes! More then anything! It would make us stronger!<br />
If I wish this all thing, meeting him, never happened? No. Never. Becouse I love him. And I <b>was</b> happy..<br />
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But it hurts. It really does.<br />
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I don't blame him. Not at all. Although I did.<br />
I blamed him for leaving me. For making me cry. I was so mad! I felt like making him feel the same way I felt. And feel. Empty. Sad. Unhappy.<br />
But all that madness didn't last for long. For two reasons: becouse I'm not a bad person, so I don't think like that; and becouse I love him. And I don't hurt the people I love.<br />
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Just today, I've been through so many states! I've been sad, empty, mad, crazy, hopeless... and others I can not even express with words!<br />
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But, at the end of the day, I'm really just heart broken.<br />
It's like someone just grabed my "almost healthy" heart and crushed it, turning it into pieces.<br />
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And all it would take to heal my heart, would be a a simple "I'm sorry. I love you. Let's work this out."<br />
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But that is just not going to happen. Becouse it would be too good to be true. And I learned that those things don't exist.<br />
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I realy just wish we could go back to that Thursday, when everything was simply... perfect.<br />
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<u>Today's motto:</u> "If you love something (or someone), set it free. If it comes back, and it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was"<br />
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<u>Today's song:</u> You - The Pretty Reckless<br />
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<u>Today's pic:</u><br />
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Hearts Hugs and Kisses.<u><br /></u><br />
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Ella <3<br />
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<u><br /></u>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09698536679331273635noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5898699510125495504.post-30363355492139999762012-06-04T07:08:00.002-07:002012-06-04T07:08:41.471-07:00Long Time, No Posts!<strong><em>Sometimes... life just gets busy!</em></strong><br />
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A lot has happened since I made a post!<br />
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I had lots of things to do, so I really didn't have time to write anything... sorry about that!<br />
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But now that school is almost over, I'll have more time for sure :)<br />
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Well, lately my life has been pretty full! Between school (since it is almost ending, there's a lot of work to do), drama club (we had 3 presentations in the last 2 weeks - we did "Chicago", by the way!) and the hip hop crew (we had two presentations in the las 2 weeks), I have been super busy and with no time for anything else! <br />
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I've even been out of youtube (<a href="http://www.youtube.com/user/Ella99997/videos">http://www.youtube.com/user/Ella99997/videos</a>) and my fashion and beauty blog (<a href="http://beautyandfashionwithella.blogspot.pt/">http://beautyandfashionwithella.blogspot.pt/</a>)!!!! <br />
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But this blog was definitely the one I left behind the most!<br />
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The reson to that is that nothing really has happened (emotionally talking) that I needed or thought I should talk about! <br />
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Things have been pretty much the same on that department! But I guess, since I was busy, I didn't really had much time even to think about it!! Which is good.<br />
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It keeps me from getting depressed!!<br />
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Plus, I've been on a very positive mood! Which is actually my natural state!<br />
I usually say to my friends: "If you smile and keep it positive, even in the darkest moments, things will get better".<br />
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So, I decided to go back to being the positive me I really am!!<br />
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Over all, it has been good couple of months!<br />
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Being on stage (dancing, acting...) makes me happy! And, since I had a lot of that these passed 2 weeks, I've been feeling pretty happy :D<br />
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I guess life can be pretty good when you're in the right mood, don't you think?? ;)<br />
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<u>Today's motto: </u>"Keep Smiling!"<br />
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(btw check Kimmi Smiles on youtube - <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eiWRwXHjuMg&feature=plcp">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eiWRwXHjuMg&feature=plcp</a> - if you wanna watch the happyest girl ever!! She ALWAYS makes me smile!!)<br />
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<u>Today's song: </u>Somebody That I Used To Know - Covered by Kait Weston, David Michael Frank and Ricky Ficarelli <br />
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Hearts Hugs and Kisses,<br />
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Ella <3Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09698536679331273635noreply@blogger.com0