Saturday, January 5, 2013

I Found The Light.

Sometimes... you find your way and climb out of the black hole.

For the past months, I've been lost. Totally empty. I was always sad, upset, crying, hurting.

It felt like nothing made sense. Like things were all wrong. Like nothing could help me coming back from the darkness.

I had lost myself.

The things I love meant nothing. They felt so away. Like they had run away from me. Like everything else had.
I wasn't doing anything because I like it. All I did was because I had to do it. Nothing felt good or amusing. Things were just boring and meaningless. Even though I loved them. I knew I did! I just didn't remember...

Everyone was gone. There was nobody there to catch me. To tell everything would be alright. To make me feel like I wasn't a total failure and that I could get out of the dark and come back to the light.
My best friend left me for someone that hurts and destroys her.
My other friends have their lives.
And I won't even mention him. Why would I? It's not like it matters at all.

All I did was survive.

But, after going through being lost, I finally found myself.
How, you ask? In everything I love. In singing, acting writing, making YouTube videos, dancing, reading ... just Living.
And in the people. My friends, my family, random people that inspire me (Kimmi Smiles was - is - a big one). They are the ones that matter. They are the ones who love me and care about me and that I love and care about. They are the important ones.
And all of this woke me up.

It made me see it. All of it.
All the beauty, the happiness, the love that surrounds me.
I woke up and said "You know what? I should be happy. I deserve to be happy! I AM HAPPY!".

And, let's be honest, I have a roof, a family, food, clothes, everything I need and some extras.
Yes, I've been hurt. Yes, I've been disappointed. Yes, I've been broken. Yes, I've been lost.
But that's fine! That's all fine.
Wanna know why?
Because that means one thing:


Today's motto: “You've gotta dance like there's nobody watching, love like you'll never be hurt, sing like there's nobody listening, and live like it's heaven on earth.”

Today's song: Catch My Breath - cover by Against The Current and Alex Goot

Today's pic:

Hearts Hugs and Kisses

Ella <3

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