Too Stressed To Reflect

Sometimes... You're just not in the mood to think.



Lately I've been so stressed about all the decisions I need to take, all I've been wanting is something to take my mind away.
Anxiety creeps in at every moment, I keep catching my breath. And not in a good way.

My deadline is closing in. I have to decide if I'm going to leave my country to take the course I want, while dying inside because I'll have to be away from my family, or stay in my country next to my family and forget my dream. Yeah, I know, seems easy hun?

Every time this comes to my head, my heart jumps. I cant control how anxious I get. And I can't get it out of my head either.

I've been living in a stage of stress for the past months. Half of me is really thankful that I have less then a month to decide. At least this will be over.
But the other half of me just wished I had more time.

I've gone over the pros and cons of both options a million times and I still can't decide. How can I? Decide between being away from my family while pursuing my dream or forgetting it and staying with them?

I guess it's that old dilemma: Career or Family?

I mean it's not like I'm not going to see my family at every chance I get a talk to them every single day. But I won't be able to hug my mom everyday, to go to my dad's house every two weeks and watch crazy movies filled with guns with him (not really my style, but there's actually been some I liked!

Even when I move out of my house, my mom and my dad will always be a short car ride away!

If I go to the UK?? They'll be a freaking play ride away!!

On the other hand, Skype is a miracle and the UK and Portugal aren't too far away. And tickets can be pretty cheap.

Still... not the same. But to take a great course and maybe have a chance to actually follow my dream, it can be worth it. Right?

I don't know... That's the thing. I don't know.




And I need to know.









Today's motto: "Waiting hurts. Forgiving hurts. But not knowing which decision to take can sometimes be the most painful..." - José N. Harris


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Hearts Hugs and Kisses

Ella <3