Sometimes... You have too keep up the fight even if you keep losing it.
The are many times when things don't go our way.
When we want something that, no matter how hard we try to achieve, we just can't seem to get.
When you try so hard to reach our goal, and it just seems to run away.
When we can almost see it, almost touch it... and then something happens that puts us right back where we started once again.
Things can take unexpected turns, brings us down and crash our hopes.
But we can't let them.
It's ok to be frustrated.
It's ok to be mad.
It's ok to be sad.
But it's not ok to give up!
Even if it all seems against you, even if you feel like all you have is bad luck, even if it looks like life hates you and it's trying to sabotage every single thing you do... You HAVE to keep fighting.
You have to get up again and again and again and again, forever, no matter how many times you fall.
You have to find new ways to do things, new places to go to, new people to talk to, new phrases to say. You have to keep finding new things that can take you to where you wanna go, to what you want to get.
No matter what, you HAVE to keep going.
You HAVE to fight for your DREAMS.
Because if you don't... they die
And so does you soul.
Today's motto: "You have to keep up the fight, even if you keep losing all the battles. Because if you give up the fight, you also give up any of the chances to win"
Sometimes... You have to decide, even though you're not sure if you're making the right choice.
This month as been the most complicated and stressful month I think I ever had.
I had a very important decision to make that changed the coursed of everything, at least for now.
I got into college. Into cinema, which I love. So usually, people would be happy and over the top about right?
Well... Not me.
The truth is, even though I love cinema A LOT, my first choice was always performing arts. But here where I live that's impossible, cause there's only one course, in a private college (yep, I'm not rich here!) and the actual course isn't that great.
Adding to that, I had always wanted to take a gap year. The idea of having an entire year to discover and explore the world, and myself, fascinated me! It's been something I wanted to do for a while.
So, I get into colllege, but I can't stop thinking about that gap year I dreamed of.
And then I'm told that if I cancel my enrollment in 10 days, I get the money from the tuition fee back.
So I had to make a decision. Fast.
Now let's be honest here: I suck at decisions!! I can't decide betewen two cute tops! How was I supposed to do this?
Well... Wilth a lot of stress, anxiety, fear and hurt, that's for sure.
These were two of the harder weeks of my life.
Deep down I knew I wanted the gap year, because I felt like it was such an opurtunity, and because I didn't want to regret not doing it latter.
I did like the college and the course, but I can always try again next year. Or even figuere out other college with a course closer to what I want (if I'm brave enough to go study abroad, that is...).
So I decided to take my time.
This is officially the 2nd day of my gap year.
I don't know if I made the right choice.
I'm sacred, because I'm not sure anout what's to come.
It's uncertain, and us humans are scared about uncertainty.
But we also get exited by it.
It's something that's truly hard to understand...
But I do know this: whatever happens, I made this decision by myself, for myself, with my heart.
I guess that's all that matters, right?
Today's motto: "Decisions are as hard as stone. So you need to get a hammer, break them down, and just figure it out."
Sometimes... it's just not you time.
So look who decided to write on her blog again after months and months of being away...
I really did want to be back! I swear! But I wasn't allowed to. Honestly, I hadn't done anything I truly wanted to till Summer break started! And with camp and all... I still wasn't ready to write here again.
But today, for dome reason, I felt this crazy urge to just come here and write something. Anything.
It remimded me of what it felt like long ago, when I started this journey...
I can't promise "posts everyday" or even "posts every week" (I actually don't know if I got into college yet so... I have no idea of how my life will be in a week!), but I can promise you this: I love blogging, and writting and sharing my thoughts with you. So I'll try my best to keep doing it.
And yes, I'm totally crazy for having 3 blogs (actually, almost 4, but that's a totally different post I'll do soon...), 2 YouTube channels, and still do school, drama club, dance classes, singing classes... Oh and find time to watch tons and tons of series somehow...
Yep. I'm 100% crazy!
But I love it all!! So I keep going, even if sometimes I have to leave a couple of things behind to focus on the ones that are colling me the most at the time.
My goal is to be able to manage all this and not fail any of the things (at least not too much). Complicated? Yes. Impossible? I hope not!
So here I am, on my couch, wearing my PJ's, listening to the rain outside, with FashionTV on and writing on my blog.
I have to say... it feels pretty good!
Today's motto: "If you can't do it all at one, start by doing one thing at a time. At some point, all will be done."
Sometimes... Life takes over, and there's nothing you can do about it.
So maybe I wasn't back...
Maybe I was fooling myself, trying to make myself believe I could just come back and pretend like I was ok and actually had time to come back.
But I wasn't.
Honestly, I don't know if I'm back now!
But I can tell you this: I want to be.
I want to get out of this crazy cicle where school is life and it's all I care about, where all the fun has been taken away, where drama club is more of a pain then it is of a pleasure... Where I wanted to be here and write, and I just couldn't cause I always had everything else to do!
I want my happy, free, positive and lifefull self back!! I want to be myself!
I want to never have an anxiety attack again and stop being nervous and paranoid all the time.
I WANT TO BE BACK!
So please, life, let me do what I want.
Today's motto: "When you want something, you gotta go and get it yourself, cause no one will do it for you"
Sometimes... you just need time to think and remake yourself.
Things were complicated.
A lot happened.
I had to stop for a while.
Summer was bittersweet.
I had some of the best moments of my life in that camp I was so afraid of going to (check my last post), which proved my point: the things you fear the most are the ones you probably should do!
But I also had the worst moment of my life: my grandmother passed away.
I'm not ready to go there yet. I will be, one day. Just not today.
After so much happening, I needed a spiritual retreat. Or maybe just a retreat.
I left a big part of my life on hold. My blogs, YouTube, some other stuff I don't feel like talking about now...
It was hard. Leaving it all.
Even knowing it wasn't for good.
It was still hard.
But I knew it was going to be a good thing, in a long run.
And it was.
But now, it's over!
I'M BACK!!!
I'm finally back!!! Shiny and bright as new and exited for what's to come! There's a lot I still have to get used to but I don't need to be away from the world to do that anymore!
And I am so happy about it!
I can't wait to start writing again!
I've missed it...
I just couldn't force myself to do it. I was too numb.
But I'm finally here and I'm not planning to leave anytime soon!!
So be ready!!
And get on this new ride with me! Let's see where it takes us...
Today's motto: "There are going to be times in your life you are going to have to stop, take a breath, and just think. But those moments ephemeral. They are just transitory states that will take you from your past to your future"
Sometimes... you have to walk right into what you fear.
For many year my life has been ruled by fear. It's something I can't control.
There are tons of things I never did just because I was afraid. And most of them were things I really wanted to do. Most of them were things I'm hoping to do in my future.
I'm very shy. Not "I'm quiet at first" shy. "I totally freeze when I'm in a place with other people" shy!
And it has been taking over my life.
Acting workshops, singing and dance classes, camps... all things I never got myself into because I was to afraid that my shyness would speak louder and stop me from doing whatever I had or wanted to do.
I've been fighting this fear for years, since I remember being a person really, and I've been losing.
But... Not. Any. More!
I've made a decision. From now on I will try my best to get myself into situations that are out of my comfort zone. I'm going to try my best to overcome my issues with being shy and win this war!
Starting this summer.
I'll be going to a performative arts camp. I've never been so scared in my life. I can't stop thinking about it. And it's starts in like a month!
But I'm so afraid.
But I promised myself I wouldn't back down. I'm going to do this!
The worst thing that can happen is spending the most awful week of my life, hate it, and then... it's over!
But, at least this one time, I won't regret something I didn't do!
In the worse scenario, I'll regret something I did! And believe me, for me, it's already a huge win!
I'm sure, no matter what happens, that I'll be happy in the end.
Because I faced my fear.
Today's motto: "You've got to risk it to get the biscuit!"
